Day 121: Why I Was Fat for So Long

For a long time I can remember various women in my life trying to get to me to participate in some kind of program—weight loss, diet, exercise, anything. For a long time, I didn't do anything. I just got heavier. Or I tried to watch what I was eating. No matter where I started, I ended up back to eating badly and being heavy. Sure, there was a fear of commitment, but there was something else, which was fear of failure. I knew that exercise was a component, and more than a few times I got on my exercycle and gave it a good 30 minute work out. But I wasn't committed, I had no plan, and I loved to eat. I didn't commit to getting up early to raise my metabolism, or any of that stuff. Most importantly, I remained heavy for two big reasons: I loved to eat and I hated to sweat. With the exception of playing tennis, I just absolutely hated to break into a sweat. And I think this led me to want to avoid going to a gym. Why would I go to a gym to sweat? It was like a weekly trip to the dentist. I think that's also something that I lucked out on this time around—the JCC, for all its faults, is a place of very little pressure. Unlike the first gym I joined —The Joy of Movement in Kenmore Square, 1983—the JCC is full of older, heavier, nebbishy people. There's no pumped up men or perfect 10 women going in and out. I'm not jockeying for a machine. I'm a fairly young (and fit) person by the JCC standards, so it's easy to walk tall. I never realized that part of avoiding gyms was avoiding the people I hated in high school, and still hate to this day. It's not that some good people don't go to those popular gyms, but nobody popular goes to the JCC. And that's why it's the gym for me.

Breakfast
Mastemacher Bread
Peanut Butter
5 Strawberries
1 oz Jalapeno Cheddar

Snack
1/4 Cup Mixed Unsalted Nuts
30 Cashews
30 Pistachios
1 Granny Smith Apple

Lunch
3 Roll Mops: Ham, Turkey, Low-fat Mozzarella, Mustard
1 Head Romaine
Several Olives, Pitted

Dinner
Shrimp over Salad
Broccoli with Still More Jalapeno Cheddar

Did feel like a big eating day, but then, there was a brisk Domania walk to go with it. I have definitely concluded that I am officially down one whole pants size. My pants are like nowhere near where they used to be. The most amazing disappointment about the whole weight loss experience is that my body still seems, essentially unchanged. That is, nearly everything feels better—especially my back and feet, and the snoring is better and I have more energy and stamina, but I still feel like myself. When am I going to look like Antonio Banderas?