Day 184: Meshuganuts

Though Meshuganuts are an actual product (http://www.chosencouture.com/chosen-product.php?model=meshuganuts) what I am referring to is a state of dyspepsia brought on by pre-Kindergarten and the like. I can't really go into all the machinations except to say that Emily and I were running around at the last minute trying to fulfill the scavenger hunt that is getting ready for the day tomorrow. In my anxiety, I consumed a kindegartener's weight in salted cashews. Another win for anxiety-eating.

Breakfast
1/2 cup Oatmeal
6 oz yogurt (lite yoplait)
1/2 cup strawberries blueberries
Tea

Snack
12 oz. Coffee (Half Decaf)
1/2 cup mixed almonds and cashews
Nearly 1 cup salted cashews
1 joy stick

Lunch
Beef Kebab Over Caesar Salad
Diet Pepsi

Dinner
More Pategonian Tooth Fish
Broccoli, Cabbage and Sauteed Carrots
A few Grapes (for R's lunch)

Feeling stressed out, tired, and not quite back at work. Rainy week means no domania walks, so I'm hoping I can work out the schedule to get to the gym in the AM now that K starts earlier. Fingers crossed.

Day 183: The Dreaded, Last Day of Vacation

Coinciding with the first day of school. Really, it's an amount of pressure that could lead to sleepless nights and binges into butter-popcorn flavored jelly beans. But luckily, I'm not there yet.

Breakfast
Scrambled Eggs
Bacon
2.4 Oz 50% Jalapeno Lite Cheddar
Tea

Snack
Nuts, What Else?
6 oz. Yogurt Blueberry
2 Cheese Doodles

Lunch (Rainforest Cafe)
4 Ribs and a Side Salad
1 Lettuce Wrap w/ Chicken
1 Bite of a Dinosaur Shaped Chicken Nugget
2 French Fries with Ketchup

Dinner (Bernards- A Chinese rest.)
Ribs
Chilean Sea Bass (aka Patagonian Toothfish)
Shrimp
Hot 'n' Sour Soup
Eggplant with Garlic Sauce
Broccoli

You'll notice from the above list that were a few eyebrow raising items on the list, notably cheese doodles. In my attempt to get ready for school we have to not only pack lunch but TWO snacks, so I purchased cheese doodles and I was trying to see if Ruby would eat some. She did, but insisted I have some. I did, then I looked at the package. Surprisingly, it has less carbohydrates than a can of coke. But I'm not making a habit of it.

Day 182: Looking at Getting Back to an Unreality

I tried again today with the Oatmeal, and it was slightly better, though I still don't have it down. It's true that it could keep you going for a while, but only if you keep eating it all day until you fill up like a zeppelin. My mom came today and brought a bounty of deli meats, which Emily and I devoured (as did baby). Dinner was from Legal's. Still SoBe-ing it.

Breakfast
Oatmeal with 1 cup Strawberries, Blackberries
3 oz 50% Jalapeno Lite Cheddar

Lunch
Corned Beef
Chicken
Ham
Cole Slaw
Pickles
Peppadews

Snack
1/4 Cup Nuts
Coke Zero

Dinner
Shrimp
Broccoli
Salad
A Bissel WIld King Salmon
1 Steak TIp

Stuck to the program pretty much today. Didn't really even over-snack (as I am wont to do). Of course the cole slaw is not necessarily SoBe friendly, as it I am sure it contains sugar and other dairy products. But as I alluded to yesterday, tough times call for exceptions.

Day 181: First Day Back Home

As we gear up for the very strange "school starts before labor day" week we are surrounded by the back-to-school frenzy and the sadness of the end of the summer. It always announces itself with a slightly too-crisp breeze and a slightly too-long absence of the sun behind the clouds. It's only lasts a moment, but it is a preview. I love fall, but I hate that it must arrive. Today both Emily and I got back to basics, even though dieting, for lack of better word, is stupid.

Breakfast
2 Eggs over Easy
2.5 Strips Turkey Bacon
Tea

Snack
6 oz yogurt with 1 cup strawberries, blueberries
2 slices ham

Lunch
~1 cup real oatmeal (with peanut butter)

Dinner
Rainbow Trout a la Emily
Cabbage-Stir-Fry
Pickles & Peppadews

After Dinner
2 Sprite Zeroes

What my friend Wick once said about shitty food is that if it's not in your house, you won't eat it. This is a truism that must be acknowledged by anyone looking to make sure they are not gaining weight absent-mindedly. If you keep your house stocked with food that is not good for you, but delicious, you will eat it, and you will be sorry. I've realized that except for bread and pasta, we serve Ruby very little of the type of food we used to push on her. I'm glad for now, as I know in time she will experience all of it.

Day 180: Last Day @ Vineyard

Well, there's an old saying that once you're at the bottom, you have nowhere to go but up. And so today was a little better than yesterday, the first time I actually felt that I touched the regular ground from my SoBe balloon ride. But today I could see the ground getting farther away (as well as my vacationland from the ferry-boat's view). That doesn't mean it was velvet (as Mel Torme might say) but one day at a time.

Breakfast
1 Whole Wheat Bagel
Peanut Butter
2 oz. 50% Jalapeno Lite Cheddar
Coffee

Snack-Lunch
Hamburger with Cheese
1/2 Tomato
2 oz. 50% Jalapeno Lite Cheddar
1/2 cup Cashews (They were in 'pieces' so it was hard to gauge)

Dinner
1 Bite of Ruby's Hamburger
1 Chorizo & Cheese & Scallion Omelet
A few bites of Caesar salad lettuce

Home From MV Snack
1 Blueberry Yogurt Yoplait "Lite"
Handful of Cashews/Almonds

I must say that I felt hungry when I got home and I was wondering what I could get to eat. I figured a yogurt was as good as anything but I felt poorly after consuming it. I generally reupped my commitment to not eat after 8:30pm, and to get back to the program in earnest. I feel heavy, unexercised and a bit tired. So tomorrow let's see what I can get done over the next three days I have off. But then KINDERGARTEN. Can Krispy Kremes be far behind? (Don't write it, that's a joke).

179: Day Three @ The Vineyard—A Sickening Thud

Very few phrases conjure the content quite like today's title. And so it was. in all 178 days of resisting-birthday cake, yadda-yadda, this is the night that I went crazy. I had four pieces of corn (well, they were halves, so it was two whole ones) and, yes a PIECE OF PIE with ICE CREAM. Okay, I know I'm allowed a little exception here and there. But with the past few days, I sure have felt wildy out of control. And since this is really all about control, it hasn't felt 100% good. Emily asked me, "how is this different from vacation, you're taking care of the kids, you're shopping..." My answer was, "I'm not going to work, that's how." But of course the other way is that there was not even a semblance of a routine—unless you count Magnolia's naps. But every day we were doing different stuff, and that makes it hard to stay in control, even though I tried to pack as a SoBe friendly a pantry as I could. One very basic element was that tonight, it was less stressful to eat the dessert then to skip it, and up until this moment that had not been so. So I did it.

Breakfast
1 Whole Wheat Bagel
Peanut Butter
Coffee
2 oz 50% Lite Cheddar Jalapeno

Lunch-Snack-Whatever
Salami Pieces
A Hard Boiled Egg
Some Cheese
Lots of Nuts
6 oz. Yogurt Lite Yoplait

Dinner
Hamburger
Bonita (A Fish)
2 Ears Corn
Broccoli
Salad with Feta

Dessert
1 Slice Blueberry Pie
1 Scoop(s) Dulce De Leche (Haagen Dazs)
At least one bite Chocolate Chip Blondie

The other thing to keep in mind is that the days were not properly stacked with meals, leaving me to be somewhat hungrier at dinner than usual. This was a key culprit, yet it is only now, in retrospect that I see how damaging it really was.

178: Day Two @ Vineyard

Really, just more of the same. However, today, weather-wise, was the bum of the trip. Slightly overcast and with a few actual showers. It didn't really bother me as I like that kind of weather. As I am not a beach maven, it didn't really distract from my plans. Actually, I don't have any plans, and that is helping me to relax. As you all know, I won't be fully relaxed until it's time to leave. Ironically, when we leave the cool beach-lined island back to Boston, it is supposed to be hot and humid. Iccch.

Breakfast
Three Eggs
2.5 Strips Turkey Bacon
2.4 oz Jalapeno Cheese (50% Light)
Coffee

Snack-Lunch-Whatever
Slice of Greek Pizza (actually ate the dough-part)
1 Whole Wheat Bagel
Tblspn Peanut Butter
1 Braeburn Apple
1 Dragon Stick
Assorted Nuts
Coke Zero

Dinner
Cheddar Cheese
2 Ears of Corn
1 Fish-Kebab
1 Fish Sausage
Spicy Cabbage
Green Salad with Feta

Dessert
1 Bite Brownie with M&Ms
1 Bite Cheesecake-Blondie

This is an eyebrow-raising list of things to eat- and all in one day! What I have loved about being on this diet is that even when I feel totally out of control, it is NOWHERE NEAR how I actually used to eat when I was REALLY OUT OF CONTROL. I actually feel like I am still on the diet, but I am making some notable exceptions while on vacation. So far, it's been fun, and today I did a 1.5 mile bike ride (which is really, like nothing) and I carried Magnolia for about 1 mile, so that's got to count for something. All in all I ate some delicious corn (the corn-snob and all of us concurred) and some dessert. The only thing worth writing about is the pizza. On a tip that "the best pizza on the Island" was at Edgartown Pizza, we took Ruby there. As it was only 10:45AM, there were no pizzas ready so we had to order one and then come back. In order to fully judge the pizza, I had a slice, and let me tell you—it was not much bigger than the slice in the trivial pursuit game that goes in the circle. I mean, it was small. And it was Greek pizza, which for those of you know me, know that I don't consider that pizza. A total waste of carb-eating. But the brownie was worth it.

I'm almost certain I will have to Phase One-it when I return from this place.

177: First Day @ Vineyard

We're already in trouble here, so I'll keep it short. Web access is only acquired by running a string between two cans and electrocute a gerbil. For nearly two hours, the travel out here was flawless, the last 10 minutes was hard. Also, due to a 2:30 Ferry, we had to eat in the car, and so all reports are approximations.

Breakfast
2 Slices When Pigs Fly Anadama bread
1 Tblspn Peanut Butter
2.4 oz. 50% Lite Jalapeno Cheddar
Coffee

Car-Ferry-Snack-Lunch
Breast of Chicken Slices
Cold Cabbage (from a few nights ago)
Nuts-a-plenty
2.4 oz 50% Lite Jalapeno Cheddar

Arrival at Edgartown Snack
6 oz Yoplait, Strawberries, Nuts

Dinner
Steak Tips
Shrimp
Broccoli
1/2 Corn on the Cob
Salad

Dessert
1/6th of a Blondie-Chocolate Chip Brownie

Yes, I went a little crazy today, not only eating my car's weight in nuts, but I did sample the chocolatle chip brownie (I was cutting it up for Ruby, and something got the best of me). Previously, I spiked my insulin with a corn-on-the-cob. Here I am avoiding corn in all its forms (with the exception of the ubiquitous high fructose corn syrup) and I gave it up for a mediocre cob. I think it's because my sister-in-law is such a corn-snob that I didn't question it till it was too late. Oh well, maybe I'll have another ear next year. Until tomorrow, I'm trying to get into "vineyard mode." I hope that does not involve too many trips to Mad Martha's, though.

176: Last Day of Work

Well it wasn't much of day of work, but there was some work that got done and so that has to count for something. Today was the really the onset of my vacation anxiety, which caused me to nut-out a bit. I also realized (again) that eating begets eating. And that is that if you can keep from snacking for a period of time you might be OK, but if you open those flood gates, watch out. I think that's why so much eating, dessert eating and late-night eating happens. You get the sensation that you're hungry. You have a little something. It tastes good. You have a portion. Then you want some more. You eat until you're done, which according the to the literature, is bad, since you're full well in advance of FEELING full. That's why it's so important to take a break during dinner, but not if you're trying to win a fast-weiner eating contest.

Breafkast
Four Whites, Two Yolks Over Easy (and just like it sounds, a disaster)
2 Strips Turkey Bacon
Tea
2.4 oz Jalapeno Light Cheddar

Snack
1/4 cup mixed almonds/cashews
1 dragon stick
1.2 oz jalapeno light cheddar

Lunch
Steak Tips
Green Beans
House Salad

Dinner
90% Sirloin Burgers
Emily's Hot'n'Spicy Cabbage
4 Peppadews

After Dinner Packing-Anxiety Snack
1/2 cup Almonds & Cashews

Looked Pretty Good But I Resisted
Nips

Still Missing From My Life
Gary

Look, going on vacation is great on so many levels I don't want people to get the wrong idea that I'm not excited. But when you have a certain eating lifestyle to keep to, it can also be stressful. Sure I can eat lobster, but I will have to fend off corn and watermelon and ice cream, and God knows what else. I'm not sure I'll be able to post the next four days or so, but I will write. So check back early and often, and wish me good luck.

175: Workouts & CNN

It really is starting to get to be beyond coincidences now. Everytime I go to the gym on Sunday morning we are forced to watch the 1-hour infomercial about starving Kenyan children. Between the cretins in Washington on CNN (and the ones they purport to cover) and the sad, emaciated faces, it kind of makes you want to throw in the towel, literally and figuratively. I'm not saying that they both don't deserve attention, but at the gym? Really? I can't really pick up the phone and make a donation, but I did note the web address: feed.tv/baby. If you go there, woe upon you, as you will be subject to everything you expect. Plus, I must wonder how much of the money gets to the kids. In any case, I inexplicably decided to quadruple the difficulty of my workout today. I usually just go on the 'manual' setting, which is a straight line of red dots, but today I chose 'hill,' which gives you hard (going up) and easy (going down) cycles. As if that weren't enough, I changed my level (usually set at '1' or '2') to level six. Then, I challenged myself to keep up the 5.1 RPMs on top of it. And I did it, 3.5 miles worth. Then I did the last half mile on the track. When I quit I wasn't so much tired as I wanted to get home and see my kids.

Breakfast
2 (small) slices WPF wheat bread
1 tsp peanut butter (each)
Tea
1 cheese stick

Lunch
Grilled Chicken
Greek Salad

Snackapalooza
6 Blackberries
90% of a Braeburn Apple (it was bad)
1/2 cup of Almonds/Cashews
1 Dragon Stick
12 pieces, lite popcorn
12 m&ms (egad)

Dinner
Trout a la Emily
Cabbage Stir-Fry

Because it was stinkin' hot, I told Ruby I would take her to the movies. We saw "Valiant" which was, as summer films for little girls go, poor. Sure it had production values, but it concerned English carrier pigeons trying to defeat evil German falcons that try to capture them. I was like "has the war even come into Disney movies now?" I was really scratching my head as to who would have wanted to make this movie. It was both inappropriate AND outdated. I promised Ruby M&Ms as well, but you know, in the junk mule business, some times some product 'disappears' en route, and such was the case today. I ate all my snacks in the first 15 minutes of the movie and then I was still hungry. Filled with the spirit of vacation, and fresh from a hard workout, I figured 'what the hell, 12 m&ms isn't going to kill me." The Six Feet Under finale made me want to reach for the rest of the M&Ms, but fortunately, they were not available.

174: Saturday

A big, hot and humid day. It started out with getting out to a 'meet the kids' kindergarten play group (which was abandoned mid-way due to heat) detailed into an all-day park play fest, and finished with a trip to market. We were all exhausted yesterday and I though I didn't count it as exercise, I was out there, shaking it for most of the time.

Breakfast
Eggs Over
2 Strips Turkey Bacon
Tea

Snack
1 Venti Starbucks Americano (black, with splenda and half decaf)
A few grapes
1/4 mixed nuts
6 oz Lite Blueberry Yoplait

Lunch
Cheese of 1 slice of Pizza
White Meat Turkey Chunks
Cabbage & Romaine Salad
Peppadews
Pickles
Coke Zero

Dinner
Teriyaki Steak Tips
Asparagus
Peppadews

After the kindergarten meet n greet, we sashayed over to the bike shop to get Ruby's new wheels put on. As a condition of them fixing it while we waited, we had to actually wait in the store. Try waiting anywhere for a half hour with an American kid. Go ahead, I dare you. Luckily, there were lots of sample bikes to ride, but after a while we were dissuaded from doing that because in the words of an employee there had "already been a wreck this morning." We were invited to go outside and take test rides. When the repair was finished, with my blood sugar nearing 0 levels, we went to the pizza shop. Unfortunately for me, they were not competent enough to serve us two slices of pizza and we had to wait, necessitating that I chew on a tablecloth for solace, occasionally licking a red pepper flake for flavor. When we finally got our slices, we high-tailed it home and I ate the contents of the icebox.

Day 173: T-Minus 1

Days without contact from Gary: 13

Today was my second to last work day prior to vacation. Though I would not classify my work as hard, or even 'taxing', there is no doubt that even if your job was a pillow-fluffer, you might need to take a break from it a few times a year. My parents are both doctors, so they sure knew about having stressful jobs. It is often said at my workplace that 'we're not performing organ transplants,' to indicate that our work is serious but not at the life or death level. That's good, because I know that doctors get precious few week-long vacations. No matter how many they get, it's less than they need.

Breakfast
1 Slice MultiGrain Anadama Bread (http://www.sendbread.com/breads.htm)
1 tsp peanut butter
Tea
2 oz 50% lite jalapeno cheese

Snack
1/4 mixed cashews/almonds
12 oz coffee (half decaf)
60 pistachios
1 6 oz lite yogurt strawberry yoplait

Lunch (Chinese)
Shredded Pork with Cabbage
Sliced Chicken with Spinach
Boneless Spare Ribs

Dinner
Talapia a la Stir-Fry Em
Brown Rice
Broccoli

Since Emily has hopped on the bandwagon, we virtually stopped eating all carbs for dinner (except those that are in, say Peppadews and the like). Tonight she prepared brown rice, which is an allowed carb. Though I had already had my carb portion for the day (for breakfast) I relented, because after all, I know I can't lose weight if I'm in a rut from eating the same foods all the time (which is my current theory). So we had it and not only was the fish FANTASTICO but the rice was filling and I couldn't finish my dinner. I can't remember a time in 173 days that I have not finished my dinner. One of the great things about being on the diet is that when it's time to eat, I eat, and unapologetically. So tonight was a surprise. Maybe it was the rice. But in any case, it's always nice, and very rare, to feel full, so with one work day left, I was grateful for that.

172: One Great Salad

Days without Contact From Gary: 12

There is not much to say as we get closer to the 'dog days' of summer and I get ever nearer to my vacation. Today the Domania gang joined me on our trip to Costco, where it became obvious that I wasn't doing a lot of shopping for myself. But I feel that's the transition I've made at work, at poker, at home, on the road, I'm bringing my own snacks, my own food. It's really the only way I can stay on top of what I'm eating. If you are a long time reader you can tell that I have a hard enough time just keeping on top of the diet already. I have obviously plateaued, and I need to find a way to get past it. After I get back from the vineyard. I did have the displeasure to see a picture of myself from just a few years ago. It wasn't that good. It's good that I'm charming.


Breakfast
1 6 oz blueberry yogurt Yoplait "lite"
1 cup blueberries/strawberries
1/4 cup almonds/cashews
Tea

Snack
1.2 oz 50% lite jalapeno cheddar
1 dragon stick
60 pistachios
1 braeburn apple

lunch (Dominic's-http://www.foodadventures.org/restaurants/dominics.html)
Mesclun Greens with Balsamic
Italian Tuna
Goat Cheese

Dinner
Some left-over brisket
1 Really awful roll-mop: Roast beef, turkey, jalapeno cheese & pickle
peppadews
Greek Salad

Today I had a really great salad from Dominic's in Waltham. Of course, it's ridiculous to recommend that you get one there, because they really have the most incredible bread and sandwiches I've had, so if you went there why would you skip the best thing and get a salad? But it just goes to show that it is possible to make a great one. It couldn't have been simpler— mesclun greens, balsamic, tuna, goat cheese. It was perfect. The greens were crunchy and tasty; the goat cheese creamy, the tuna velvety but not fishy. I was only sorry that I had to dishonor the artisan quality of the salad by horking it down fast like I was a college kid doing tequila shots. But that's what happens when you don't eat lunch till 1:50pm. When I got home I made a salad that was just a lot of stuff in a bowl, and one absolutely horrible rollmop. I must stick to ham—all other deli meats are just grossing me out.

171: El Swervo Redux and Neighbors Night

Some people have written to me asking about "El Swervo," so I must explain. When you repeatedly try to contact someone, and they successfully avoid you—they've given you the swerve, or in Spanish, "El Swervo." I got the mark of El Swervo from my friend Gary because I did not attend his pig roast. This is somewhat unfair since I have been asking him to my card game for nearly 10 years and he's been a refusenik for about 50% of that time.

That aside, we hosted our around-the-corner neighbors tonight. Though we were ourselves refuseniks for all the bread they offered us, we served up a ton o'carbs for their arrival. We also made a brisket that required two adults and much phone conferencing from Emily's sisters. For a while it looked it we were going to have make a prepared foods run to save the day, but in the end we decided it passed the test of what was edible.

It was a tough day. Aside from the usual, my laptop, unusually, died for the second time in about three months and I was forced to the Apple store to give it up for a week. Fortunately, I am going on vacation, so the loss is not so keenly felt. But tonight, carbs aside, I did feel a pull to the dark side.

Breakfast
3 slices (all small) When Pigs Fly Anadama Multi-Grain Bread
1 tblspn peanut butter
tea

Snack
1/4 cup mixed almonds/cashews
1 cheese stick
40 pistachios

Lunch
Greek Salad with Chicken

Dinner
Some Cheese (Brie, Cheddar, Swiss)
Brisket
A few cooked carrots
2 oz cole slaw
Red Wine

Dessert
1 bite of rugelach
2 slices Apple Babka (if you don't know what Babka is go to http://www.ebabka.com/)

Though there were many carbs (rice pilaf, past pesto, garlic crackers) what got me—and only after we were doing the dishes—was the apple babka. I thought we were going to just toss it, then I had a bite (Emily had sliced it into very tiny slices), then I had another. I knew I had to immediately throw it away, as I had two glasses of wine and wasn't responsible for my Babka-behavior. Luckily, I got away, ready to start fresh, and carb-free tomorrow.

170: The Mark of El Swervo

It has been, for some reason, a day of ruminations. Aside from realizing that Ruby has only three days left at her current school, the end of the summer, I realize that my friend Gary has indeed given me the Mark of El Swervo. Sad, but so apparent now. In the meanwhile, I try to soldier on. I will miss him, much as I have found myself missing the summer trifecta—corn, watermelon and ice cream for dessert. In fact just this morning I was preparing a nice warm toasted bagel for Ruby slathered in peanut butter. I allowed myself to float dreamily along the cloud of desire and then I treated myself to an omelet.

Breakfast
Ham, Broccoli and Cheese Omelet
Tea

Snack
7 apricots
1/4 mixed a & c
braeburn apple

Lunch
Uninspired Greek Salad with Chicken

Dinner
Flounder (Stir-Fry a la Em)
Snap Peas and Leeks
1/4 of Ruby's Eggs

I'm not sure why it's so hard to make salad. My co-worker asked me today "what makes a salad good?" It's a great question. I think the answer is the same for ALL food preparation, "the ingredients." But to be more specific, it's the kind of lettuce—is it weak iceberg, wilted romaine, or is it fresh and crisp greens? What is the chicken? Cooked yesterday or today? Is the feta creamy or hard? Are there STINKIN GREEN PEPPERS?? If it's a Greek salad are there olives and pepperocini? I mean, people who 'claim' to make a Greek salad by just adding feta are just as bad as Greeks who claim to make "Pizza" when it's really Greek Pizza, which is totally different. But don't get me started on that. The Domania Gang went for a brisk walk today, and again I felt some quasi-chest pains. I think it's from too much caffeine. I had a Fresca for lunch instead of a Coke Zero.

TO MY SURPRISE, the soda is now made with—and I kid you not—"Glycerin ester of wood rosin." (You can check out more about this surprising substance at http://www.inchem.org/documents/jecfa/jecmono/v06je45.htm) The study contains the less-than-comforting revelation that "...at the 5% feeding level ALL animals died." Look, I know I have to eat some crap to get my weight down, and I know there a lot of chemicals in stuff like diet soda, but I have to draw the line at EATING POISONOUS WOOD BY-PRODUCTS. I'm just not going to do it, no matter what the "Fresca King" says. (To visit the nearly-unbelievable Web site of the Fresca King, do a Google search on Fresca it's the second one, I didn't want to link to it for obvious reasons). I'm sorry, I got carried away. Maybe Emily is right about the diet making me cranky. But maybe it's the wood rosin.

169: Detecto Says "196"

Again? I am not frustrated, but I am disappointed. I want to get into the 180s, but I guess it's going to take more than good looks and a smile to do it. I'm not sure why I'm stuck at 196—but I think as Woody Allen once said "it's an entire mental thing." Until I can get past it, I am not excited, but am content to stay where I am and enjoy the 196s for a while. But it's not a neighborhood I can feel comfortable leaving too often—there's only 4lbs between me and 200—and that's too few. I've got to get some distance or I'll never be able to eat pizza again. Sure, I could go back to Phase One-ing it, but I'm not ready for that yet. Maybe when September comes and school's back in.

Breakfast
6 oz Yogurt Strawberry "Lite" Yoyplait
1 cup Blackberries, Raspberries, Strawberries and Blueberries
Tea

Snack
7 apricots
1/4 mixed nuts (Almonds & Cashews)
1 dragon stick
Medium Dunkin Donuts coffee (half decaf)

Lunch
A very mediocre Greek Salad with chicken from Tommy Boyle's.
(There was no pepperocini as advertised. instead there were four baby corn. I eschewed them)

Dinner
Chili Con Carne
90% Hamburger
Peppadews
Pickles
Broccoli

An uninspiring eating day. I may be hungry because I'm drinking a lot of coffee and I know that spikes your insulin, but it's also yummy and calorie free, so how can you refuse? I went to get turkey tips at the West Street Grill, but they are closed on Mondays, so I had to go across the street to an untested Irish Bar. I was the only customer there, except an off-duty bartender who came in to eat. They were both mocking the authenticity of the bar (the music was Shelby Lynne) and the very Irish menu—he ordered Quesadillas.

Day 168—Back to the Gym

I finally got to the gym today. It wasn't difficult, but I clearly wasn't up to my usual standards. I was doing a 13 minute mile (I was going as fast as 11.5) and by the time I got to 2.5 miles, I was starting to feel...well, not chest pains, but not like I wanted to go another mile. I got off at 3.00 and walked a mile on the track (that's 12 times around). I was enjoying my iPod quite a bit, and doing a shuffle through songs I didn't even remember I put on there. The gym was pretty deserted as it was very, very hot today. The pool continued to be closed, but, amazingly there was an article in today's Globe. (http://www.boston.com/news/local/articles/2005/08/14/frequent_pool_closings_spur_anger/):

The article begins "Frustration has grown at a Newton pool over how frequently the swimming facilities have been closed to clean up what state and federal regulators call ''fecal accidents.""

Breakfast
1 Whole Wheat English Muffin
1 Tbspn Peanut Butter
2.4 oz 50% Jalapeno Lite Cheese
Tea

Snack
Coffee
1/4 cup Almonds & Cashews
1.2 oz 50% Jalapeno Lite Cheese

Lunch
Salad (Romaine, Cabbage) with Feta
Tuna Salad
Coke Zero
Grapes

Dinner
Italian Sausage
Chili
Broccoli
Chicken Pesto

Tomorrow I face detecto. I am currently looking for my all my gauze clothing to wear. More on this as it develops.

167: Nut So Fast

After an evening of wanton nut-eating, sitting in a smokey room and staying up late, a day of rest is usually what is called for. As usual, I get up early with Ruby and we get the day going. However, it's so hot that we have stay mostly inside and enjoy the frigid air. We did make a few trips out, though working out wasn't in the cards. I did think I would have a chance to exercise when everyone went to the pool, but by the time I got there it was closed due to "Biological Contamination." For some reason, this happens quite a lot at the JCC. I asked them about it and they said "it was a state law to close the pool for 24 hours afterwards." If anyone reading this goes to a pool in Massachusetts, please let me know if you ever heard or seen your pool closed for 24 hours during the summer. Because these "events of B.C." can't be THAT rare. Instead, I took Ruby and my niece to the supermarket and for two aisles, pushed them and a cart full of groceries around. It's not much, but it's not sitting on the couch, either.

Breakfast
Three Eggs
2.5 Strips of Turkey Bacon
1.2 oz Jalapeno Cheddar
Coffee

Snack
1/4 English Muffin, with Peanut Butter
1/8th Cup Almonds & Cashews
1.2 oz Jalapeno Cheddar

Lunch
Tuna Salad on Greek Salad

Dinner
Steak Tips
Broccoli and Peppadew Salad
Asparagus

I really tried hard not to eat nuts today, in order to detoxify, but after I got back from the supermarket (around 6:45) I realized I was very hungry and needed something just to get through the process of making dinner. A handful nuts it was ("hair of the nutty dog"). Tomorrow I am getting to the gym for sure, since I will not go quietly into Monday.

166: The Poker Game—Don't Ask

As always on the day of a game, I am trying to watch my dietary 'spending' as closely as I watch my monetary 'spending' when I'm at the table. Though I usually start out with protein, I didn't have time and opted for some fruit to help with my cold. Knowing that I will eat more (and later) than usual, I always make sure to either work out or get a Domania walk in (which we did, though it was a bit hot). I even tried to watch what I was eating at the card game, and tried hard to substitute chewing gum, water and cigars for eating, but it was to no avail, I still ate 50,000 nuts.

Breakfast
6 oz. Yoplait lite strawberry yogurt
1 cup blueberries, strawberries
(no nuts, because I knew I was going to sit in front of a tin of nuts later in the evening)
Tea

Snack
Tea
1 Dragon Stick
6 Apricots

Lunch
Head O' Romaine
2 Slices Low-Fat Mozzarella
Olives
1 Fun-Pak Tuna

Poker Snaks (not dinner)
50% Jalapeno Lite Cheddar (I cut my usual 1.2 oz into halves so I could eat more)
Almond & Cashew Mix
Pickles
6 Slices Pepperoni

Dinner
Steak Tips
Meatballs
Chicken Breast Nuggets
Salad with Low-fat Red Wine & Vinegar Dressing
Peppadews

Before the game, I had to take Ruby to the doctor to get her MMR shot (she said "it didn't hurt at all"). There was a scale there, so I did what every neurotic dieter might do—I got on it. It's not official, but it was 197—which tells me that I am right that I might "heavier" but it could be off as much as 1 or 2lbs, so we'll have to wait and see on Monday what the official Detecto says. I didn't notice, but I didn't think that was the name brand of that scale.

I was nearly tempted to have some pie at the game—as one of our regulars insist we get one. This time it was Apple-Berry-Rhubarb. I speared a miniscule piece of strawberry and let it go at that.

165: The South Beach Diet, Continued

An interesting added benefit to losing weight, which I think I may have mentioned here before, is the return of vivid dreams. For a period of up to three years or more, I don't remember having too many dreams, which could be because I was developing some kind of sleep apnea, or some other reason. But as of about 25 lbs off, they started to come back and boy, they were doozies. I suppose if I'm dreaming it must also mean I'm sleeping better, which may in fact, contribute to feeling better in general, with the exception of this week, when I feel both crappy and heavy. I could be eating a lot more fruit with Vitamin C in it. Must remember to pick up some oranges, which unlike grapefruit, is SoBe-friendly.

Breakfast
1 Slice When Pigs Fly Multi-Grain Anadama
1 Tsp Peanut Butter
Tea
1.2 oz 50% Lite Jalapeno Cheddar

Snack
1 12 oz coffee (half decaf)
1/4 Mixed Almonds & Cashews
1 Braeburn Apple
7 Apricots

Lunch
Coke Zero
Greek Salad with Grilled Chicken

Dinner
90% Hamburger
Chicken Breasts
Cabbage, Peppers, Onions
Snap Peas
Peppadews
Broccoli & Cheese

Felt like I ate a lot tonight, but again I notice that I hardly ever eat past 8:00pm now, which is something I notice a lot of other people in my life (but not in my house) do. I also noted that I was starting to be a little uncareful—I had a frosted cheerio to see if it was stale; i tasted a bite of mac and cheese to see if it had turned; I better watch it. I hope I can get out there for a walk tomorrow, as I'm certain it will help my general humor, which right now, is in the dumps.

164: A Trip Down Memory Lane

Today I accompanied my brother to visit his son at camp in CT. For the three hour ride there and back, I packed a lot of SoBe friendly supplies, like nuts (natch), cheese, dragon sticks, apples and the like. Surprisingly, I needed only the nuts on the way down (a large Dunkin Donuts black coffee helped) and only a half an apple and some cheese on the way back. This is a camp I myself attended for three years (25 years ago) and it was quite a trip—in both the literal and figurative sense of the word. Sometimes it is great to get away from all that is familiar and this trip allowed me to do just that. I'm sure I'm going to have some dreams tonight.

Breakfast
3 Eggs, Over Easy
2.5 Strips of TB (a return to Jennie-O)
Tea

Car Snack, Ride Down
Large Dunkin Donuts Coffee
1/4 cup Almond/Cashew Mix
1.2 oz Jalapeno Cheese

Lunch
1/2 Rack of Baby Back Ribs
3 oz. Cole Slaw
1 oz. Baked Beans

Car Snack, Ride Home
1/2 an Apple (it was kind of bad)
1.2 oz 50% Jalapeno Lite Cheddar

Dinner
Shrimp Sesame
Cabbage-Stir Fry
Some Cheese

I realized with some great alarm that the fact that I'm not hungry AND feeling a bit heavy may be a result of not having exercised this week—at all. Excepting the endless walking we did around the campus today, it's been too hot to walk and I didn't get to the gym on Sunday because I was sick. I am just absolutely feeling physically terrible because I still have the sniffles, feel a bit draggy and can't remedy this until Saturday (maybe the Domania gang will want to get out there on Friday, which looks like the best of the next two days). All this, a Poker Game, and Detecto on Monday. Sheesh.

163: Ready for More Calcium

I want to make a correction—I did not see Detecto yesterday. That was a typo.

Today I noticed that I started to feel better, and as a result, I was hoping I could get back to the gym. It has been awfully humid and the combination of the weather plus several of the domania gang being out/sick has made it so we might not even get one walk in this week. Egads. It has been a rather trying week already, what with sick kids at home and some struggles at work, that all take place in the icy-cold meat locker of our office. Fortunately, I did not have to find any solace in chocolate or anything—in fact, today and yesterday I did not really have any kind of afternoon snack, which I wearily view as a victory, but probably has more to do with the fact that I haven't been feeling all that well.

Breakfast
6 oz Strawberry Yoplait "lite"
1 cup Strawberries & Blueberries
1/4 cup mixed cashews and almonds

Snack
1 Dragon Stick
1.2 oz 50% Jalapeno Lite Cheddar

Lunch
Roll Mops: Ham, Mozzarella
Pickles
Olives
1 Heart Romaine
7 Dried Apricots

Dinner
Wok-Chicken a la Emily with Scallions
Cabbage Emile
Peppadews

Emily really knocked it out of the park for dinner tonight. It was simple, but spot-hitting. She is really helping me with the vegetables and keeping the fats down with a lot of fish and chicken. Now if I could only kick the nut habit...

162: More Pitfalls and Pratfalls

I did see Detecto today, in case you were wondering.

Though I missed what I think would have been a SoBe friendly Pig Roast in Vermont this weekend, I still must face down the prospect of another card game this weekend, plus a trip to see my nephew at camp and a visit from my niece, who is a fruit-a-tarian and a lover of the glycemic big three: watermelon, pineapple and raisins. The only one off the list is bananas, so we caught a break there. I managed to stare down an ice cream cake tonight at our neighbor's house, and as I have repeatedly observed, being on a diet makes people angry. They don't like it when you're not going to eat what they put out. And why shouldn't they be angry? I'm angry. It is sort of criminal not to eat ice cream cake when it's summer. Actually, my snobbery about sheet cake probably helped me there more than any real diet-control. I mean ice cream cake isn't really cake—it's still ice cream. It doesn't magically turn into cake because of its shape any more than mud pies made by my daughter turn into real pies. Don't bother writing in, ice-cream cake lovers, you won't change my mind.

Breakfast
Mastemacher Bread
1 Tsp Peanut Butter
Tea
1.2 oz 50% Jalapeno Lite Cheddar

Snack
1/4 U.Cashews/S.Almonds

Lunch
Broccoli and Cheese Omelet
Ham Steak
Coke Zero

Dinner
Talapia-Wok-Emily
Green & Red Cabbage Salad

Unlike a cake, which is a specific thing, a salad can be anything just thrown together. That's why chopped cabbage in a bowl qualifies as salad, even though there was no lettuce, which is traditionally what makes salad salad, unless it's pasta or a meat salad, like tuna salad.

My real point here is how I have been trying desperately to observe anecdotally what, if anything can 'tide you over' better than another thing. For instance, many people believe oatmeal can 'tide you over until lunch.' While I have not found this to be true, it might be because I am not eating enough oatmeal. I bet if I ate two cups of oatmeal, I probably couldn't even eat lunch. But there are limits to what I'll eat. Today, however, I noticed that I did not require even my mid-afternoon snack. Yes, it's true I'm still feeling a bit sick, and yes, it's true that I downed 16 oz. (or two and one half servings) of Coke Zero, which is comprised of nothing but unpronounceable chemicals, caffeine and filtered water. But I noticed that my extremely protein-heavy lunch really kept me. So I wonder if that's the thing to do. Here I've been eating Rabbit food (like salads) when maybe that's not the key to staying light. The mystery continues...

161: The One Hundred and Sixty First Day

A little bit better today, but still with the sore throat and no loss of appetite. It was a little bit of a catch-as-catch can day. We thought we were going to visit my brother after lunch, but we decided to up and go around 11AM, thus disabling my ability to get to the gym, and making it so we didn't know what we would eat for lunch. When we got there, our plan was to let the baby sleep on the way, and stay until it was her naptime. Let this be a reminder for all people with babies, or just about to have them: do not stay rigid about your plans! They will change. She didn't really sleep in the car, and by the time we were ready to go she fell asleep, so Ruby and I, plus my brother and his daughter went out for ice cream, which turned into an hour and half jaunt into Witch country (that's Salem).

Breakfast
1/4 cup mixed nuts
1.2 oz 50% lite jalapeno cheddar
Tea

Snack
3 Strawberries
1/2 cup blueberries
6 oz yoplait lite yogurt (strawberry)

Lunch
Greek Salad with Chi'k'n
Cheese of 3 slices of pizza

Snack
Ice Coffee
.5 Red Delicious Apple

Dinner
Chinese, consisting of
Beef Teryaki
Spare Ribs
Beef with Scallion
Plus, Homemade:
Broccoli
Peppers, Cabbage and Onion

By the time we got back and got in the car it was time for dinner and we knew we had nothing to make in the fridge, so we started trying to come up with take out scenarios that might work. That is, restaurants we could visit en route home. Every idea we had was not workable for one reason or another—they were closed on Sundays, closed during the summer, etc. Resigned, we tried to make up a Chinese order on the way home. The woman who answered the phone wasn't exactly game for salesmanship, so we just had to go with what we knew. It was lackluster at best. Without feeling well, and without going to the gym, I think I will wait till next Monday for detecto. I'm not even sure I will have the time tomorrow, because I bet the morning is going to be a headache.

160: Sick

Woke up today and I had it all: the fuzzy head, sore throat. I knew it was going to be a tough weekend. Unlike a co-worker of mine who was recently sick, I did not lose my appetite. Damn! In fact, I felt a little hungier than usual, but that could be because I'm spiking my insulin with all the Airborne I'm taking.

Breakfast
Whole Wheat English Muffin
1 Tsp Peanut Butter
1.2 oz 50% Jalapeno Cheddar

Snack
6 oz Lite Yoplait Strawberry Yogurt
1 Dragon Stick
1/2 cup cashews & almonds
1.2 oz 505 Jalapeno Cheddar

Lunch
Oriental Chicken Salad
1 Coke Zero

Dinner
Trout
1 Slice Bacon
Greek Salad

If you're wondering why I have listed 1.2 oz as the amount of 50% Lite Cheddar, it's because when I get a new block of the cheese, I tried to cut it into 1/8ths, because it listed as 8 oz., which would make 8 snacks of 1 oz. each, but they're too small, so I cut them into 1/7ths, which would actually make it about 1.15ths, but look, I'm not a Mathlete, I'm just trying to get some kind of accurate reporting here. I doubt I will make it to the gym today, but the Detecto looms.

159: Again, Feeling Shitty

Is it wrong if I'm worrying that Nyquil is too high in carbs to take? It's not only high in sodium but it contains high fructose corn syrup, which is a no-no, as it's made of corn, which is in itself a no-no. Of course, it's August, and THAT MEANS CORN. Although it also frequently means HOT and so who wants to boil water? If I get the chance, I almost certainly will have one or two ears of corn this summer—it would be a crime not to. I also want readers to know that I do eat carbs. People ask "Are you going to eat carbs one day?" Yes, probably when I decide to take up smoking cigarettes again—when I've given up. No, that's not true, I do eat carbs. I eat bread (whole wheat), english muffins (ditto), All-Bran cereal, Steel-cut Oatmeal, and whole wheat pasta. I guess if some pizzeria made whole wheat pizza I'd probably eat it but the frozen stuff looks bad and if I'm gonna eat carbs it better taste good, or it ain't worth it.

Breakfast
3 Whites, 2 Yolks (which should tell you that 1 yolk was broken)
2 strips TB
Tea
1.2 oz 50% Jalapeno Light Cheddar

Snack
1/2 cup mixed nuts (salted almonds, unsalted cashews)

Lunch
4 Slices of Pepperoni Pizza (just the cheese & pepperoni, natch)
Greek Salad (no feta)

Dinner
Wok-Scrod
Snow Peas
1.2 oz jalapeno cheese
1/4 cup mixed nuts

A surprising lunch arrived today at work from a vendor trying to win our business. It was pizza and salad (thank God for the salad). As it was I had 4 slices (just the cheese), and as a result, I skipped my afternoon snack. But this was self-defeating because when I got home I became a nutso-maniac and ate a few handfuls to tide me over until dinner. I realized today, that the part about maintaining a diet is NOT not eating when you're hungry. It's actually NOT eating when you're NOT hungry, if you can understand that. Since I am accustomed to eating a snack between 3:30 and 4:00 it was really hard not to eat anything today, but in fact, I wasn't hungry from my big lunch. So at about 3:50 I shuffled over to the Store 24 to get a soda, lest I begin to eat stamps and glue in my office.

158: Too Tired To Blog

Well, not really, but that's the best title I could come up with since I forgot the better one I had crafted earlier this evening. On getting to the weekend before a Detecto visit, I cannot shake this feeling that I have gained some weight back. Now, it's true that I have eaten some things in the past three weeks that are not SoBe-friendly, but I have also been getting to the gym and trying to keep it under control ('cept for Nuts) every day. I did get to the gym this AM, doing 40 minutes and 3.5 miles on the elliptical. I must increase the level I suppose, or I'll never get anywhere.

Breakfast
1 Slice Mastmacher bread
1 Tblspn Peanut Butter
1.5 oz 50% Lite Jalapeno Cheddar
Tea

Post Workout Snack
6 oz vanilla yogurt
1/2 cup blueberries

Lunch
Three eggs, scrambled
five slices genoa salami
coke zero

work-snack
1/2 cup mixed nuts
1 royal gala apple
1.5 oz 50% Lite Jalapeno Cheddar

Dinner
Sirloin Steak and Stir-Fry Cabbage
1.5 oz 50% Lite Jalapeno Cheddar

It has been another day when I have been just unbelievably famished. Literally, just all day needing to snack, and this led to eating more cheese and more nuts. I also recently got two new suits (a b-day present from MOM) so in case I wasn't serious about SoBe before, now I am seriously locked in. I am eager to see what my weight is, and for all of you wondering, still glad I don't have a scale at home.

Day 157: Dreaming of Fruit Loops

You know it's funny what you'll desire. Fruit Loops were never even my favorite cereal. I definitely would have picked Apple Jacks or Frosted Flakes or Sugar Pops (now renamed Corn Pops) over them, yet today I could not stop thinking about them. I was thinking of their crunchy crunch, and their nearly fruitless taste. The corn smell as it wafts up from the plasticy-bag when you open it. How there's a point between crispy and soggy when the cereal is just right and sugar-tainted. I was nearly in a frenzy when with no where else to turn, I broke into my bag of pistachios and ate 50,000 of them. Sick on nuts, I started to think, "I wonder if I've gained weight?" I've got issues.

Breakfast
6 oz Yoplait yogurt
1 cup blueberries/blackberries
1/4 cup Almonds
Tea

Snack
1 Dunkin Donuts Black Ice Coffee (Half Decaf)
1 Dragon Stick
1 oz 50% Jalapeno Cheddar
Royal Gala Apple
50,000 Pistachios

Lunch
Greek Salad with Grilled Chicken

Dinner
Orange Roughy a la Em
Sauteed Spinach with Garlic

After being sick on nuts, I wasn't quite as keen on eating as I had been just minutes and 50,000 nuts earlier, but Emily made a breakthrough with her Wok-steaming. She is being tutored by one of our neighbors, who comes from a Chinese Restaurant family and is teaching her all of the secrets. I am of course, benefitting immensely, as is Magnolia, who will grow up eating healthy food, while I'm afraid Ruby will be stuck eating Pizza and Yogurt. Still craving sweets after dinner, I had a Sprite Zero with ice and tried to calm the sugar-demons. I think they've gone for the night, but they'll be back.

156: Them's Big Eatins

This morning all I could think about is how I always want more than I have. Though it was an old joke in my family that we spent lunch discussing breakfast and planning dinner, the reality is sometimes I am eating my piece of cheese and I am thinking about the next piece. That is why portion control, though not primarily a feature of SoBe, is so important. I know that I must limit my bacon amount, my cheese amount and especially my nut amount. If I do not, I will be carried away. I believe I can continue just eating and eating. Really.

Breakfast
2 Eggs, The Usual
Bacon Du Turkey, The Same
1 oz 50% Jalapeno Cheddar Cheese
Tea

Snack
1/4 Mixed Unsalted Nuts
16 oz Sprite Zero
1 Royal Gala Apple

Lunch
Turkey Tips
Mixed Greens

Dinner
Chicken-Lettuce Wraps
Spare Ribs
Mongolian Beef
Lemon-Pepper Prawns
Garlic Spinach

Felt like a big eating day because I got turkey tips for lunch, which is quite meat-rific and a bit extravagant for lunch. I also had dinner at P.F. Changs, a very good Chinese restaurant. Though we ordered brown rice (which is acceptable vis-a-vis SoBe) I skipped it because honestly, I'd rather eat another bite of mongolian beef than the same amount (or even twice the amount of) rice. What I was proud of myself today was that I did not falter between meals or meal periods. This is probably because there were no stray nuts or apricots in my office, which almost always lead to in-between meal snacking. I might find it better to bring the snacks I need and not keep a supply around.

155: Another Monday, With Chimpanzees

A Monday morning is one thing but a rainy Monday morning is a whole other. Then when you add a bad night of sleep, PLUS oversleeping — you got it, lemon pie time. Amazingly, through much of my typical, average anxiety I have managed to stop relying on food as a crutch, which to me is more amazing than losing than the weight. I still catch myself sniffing a box of chocolate or licking a the bottom of a cashew-bag in despair, but for the most part, I have conquered that particular beast. But who knows, maybe I haven't had any real crises lately. Check back with me when Ruby goes to kindegarten and see if I haven't been digging around in the domania freezer for year old, freezer-burned sheet cake.

Breakfast
1 whole wheat english muffin
2 tsps peanut butter
tea
2 oz 50% jalapeno lite cheddar

Lunch
Can O' Tuna
2 Heads Romaine
3 Slices Mozzarella
Pickles, to taste
Olives

Snack
1/4 mixed unsalted nuts
30 almonds

Dinner
Flounder a la Em
Snap Peas
4 slices genoa salami

Today the domania gang went for yet another brisk 2.x walk, and by the time I returned the office it was pretty hot. Usually, I get to pair off with someone and get lunch but everyone brought lunch today so I was left to my own. I couldn't bear another walk to Why Not (a restaurant named for what the owner hopes is Watertown's rejoined to "I can't eat there") so I decided to make due with what was at domania, which included my romaine from last week, a few slices of cheese, tuna, pickles and olives. I made a salad and it was good and filling—excepting a few almonds I had no afternoon snack. So, a good day over all. I had salami for dessert. And it was good.