Day 61: Last Vacation Day

Unbelievably enough, I got up this morning, dropped Ruby off and went to the Gym again. As is custom with all vacations, you finally relax and find the groove of your time off on the last possible day. I now see that I could see make a habit of that kind of day, if the hunger weren't such a nagging problem. I am trying to create a deficit here, after all.

Breakfast
8 oz. 'Lite' Strawberry-Banana Yogurt
15 Almonds
1 Cup Strawberries
1/2 Cup Cantaloupe

Snack
1 Joy Stick
2 Cheese Sticks
1 Tsp Peanut Butter
40 Pistachios
1 Pickle

Lunch
Sashimi Special
Salad
Miso Soup

Mezzo Lunch
Greek Salad: Romaine, Cabbage, Greek Olives, Feta

Dinner
Sirloin Tips
Snow Peas

I continue to be surprised at where I am—if you had told me three months ago that somtime in the near future I would willingly traipse off to a gym two days in a row, look forward to returning to my weekly walks and nearly salivate at the prospect of either playing tennis or swimming, I would have given you a big 'pshaw.' Also, I'm not sure I'm losing any weight, but Monday's weigh in will tell all. I may have reserved a bottle of red wine (or several low-level pain medications, which are fat-free) for Sunday night so I can sleep.

Day 60: Shocking Developments

Okay, I 'm just trying to get your attention but on Vacation Day Six, Passover Day Five the day did begin and end with some unusual happenings. First: After I dropped Ruby off for school, I headed to the Gym at the JCC and rode the stationary bike for 33 minutes. This is a major first—I have not been to a gym outside of a hotel or a piece of exercise equipment outside my house since probably 1986. When I first sat down on the bike I wasn't sure I could make it 30 minutes—but after 24 or so minutes I knew I could. I was bumming about leaving my iPod in New Jersey (especially because now Larry Nizza is jamming out to Rock Me Amadeus) but there music playing I managed. I noticed a few people on the lower-riding bikes were reading books and someone on the stairmaster was on the phone. Are they taking their fitness seriously? They say that exercising early in the day boosts your metabolism, and that may be true, but it also makes you SUPER HUNGRY all day. By the end of the day I found myself eating 2 oz of chocolate yogurt at 8pm, which is the first time I've had dessert in maybe 30 days and represented a bit of an impulse eat

Breakfast
2 Eggs (It feels like a comedy bit, but I broke an egg prior to the pan)
2 Strips Jennie-O TB
Tea

Snack
1 Cheese Stick
25 Almonds
1 Granny Smith Apple
1 Joy Stick

Lunch (Carambola with Em)
Beef Salad
Pickle Medley
Shrimp & Garlic Soup
Grouper
Chicken Tuk Trey

Dinner
Talapia
Greek Salad

Dessert
2 oz. Chocolate Yogurt

It was a big eating day, and I felt like I was always hungry—I'm not sure I like that feeling, especially because it made me feel a little out of control. But we'll see if it has an effect on the scale. I really felt like I was just vaccuming everything up I could. I was glad to get to sleep.

Day 59: Vacation Day Six, Passover Continues

Just a quick post tonight—feel very back on track and have not eaten any more matzoh. The box languishes, unopened, in the corner of my kitchen. Due to kosher restrictions, Ruby is having matzoh for snack AND lunch every day, so I don't feel the need to force it on her for breakfast or dinner. Where's the low-carb matzoh anyway?

Breakfast
8 oz 'lite' yogurt
1 cup grapes
15 almonds

Snack
1 cheese stick
15 pistachios

Lunch (Legal Seafoods with Em)
Shrimp Cocktail
Calamari Salad
Bucket of Steamers
Scallops/Shrimp Soup (Broth, not chowder)

Dinner
90% Sirloin Burgers
Spinach with Garlic
Pickles
A carrot or two

Tomorrow I'm planning to try out the JCC gym and/or play tennis with Emily. We'll see how we are together after six years off the court. Sheesh.

Day 58: Vacation Day Five, Passover Day Four

Waking up in my own house I am able to get some kind of semblance of my life back. It is hard to have unstructured time, but it's much harder when you're somewhere with no Internet access and limited sources of tea and turkey bacon. Have not yet gotten any excercise (except the Tennis on Saturday) but I did sign up to meet with a fitness trainer today (ironically, he had to reschedule).

Breakfast
Jennie-O Beggin Strips (Dogs don't know...)
2 Eggs (Amy trick failed due to user error)
Tea

Snack
2 Cheese Sticks
25 Almonds
1 Granny Smith Apple

Lunch
Frissee Salad with Asparagus
Field Greens
Grilled Asparagus
Dilled Salmon

Dinner
Chinese Pork Loin, Grilled Onions and Banana Peppers
Broccoli and Cheese
Sirloin Tips

Today I withstood all kinds of tempations, but most keenly felt was the melted cheese on pizza-bread served with lunch (an incredible Greek place called Kouzina in Newton). Also, Emily and took Ruby out for ice cream and just as the sun was beating down on us, it seemed like the perfect thing to eat. Though temptation in itself is hard to resist, and unstructured time makes it harder, what's really hard is being on vacation and not indulging yourself in any way. And the truth is, it woudn't really give me any pleasure—it would make me feel like a loser—and not the good kind. So back to the diet—and when my iPod returns, a long, long walk. I might get on the stationary bike tomorrow, and Emily is interested in getting a bike—so maybe we'll be the family that rides together.

Fifty-Seven Channels and Nothin' On

Or, Vacation Day Four, Passover Debacle Recinds into the Past.

I got up this AM and tried to get right back on that horse. I need to get out there and sweat. I left my iPod in New Jersey. I am really surfing a bummer.

Breakfast
8 oz. Light Yogurt
1 Cup Strawberries
15 Almonds

Snack
1 Cheese Stick
1/2 Granny Smith Apple
~6 dried apricots

Lunch
3 Roll Mops: Roast Beef, Turkey, Alpine Lace Muenster Cheese
Olives
Cucumbers, Carrots and Hummus

Dinner
Salad with Feta and 3 oz. Tuna

Back in the swing, and I got home early enough to go the supermarket and get stocked for the week with various SoBe necessities like Jennie-O turkey bacon. Between Passover debacles and Passover restrictions, I'm not sure what I can eat this week except Eggs, and maybe some fruit. My aim is to get out on that Tennis Court, and really break a few sweats this week. For long-time readers who were expecting the weigh in—sorry, it'll have to wait till next Monday. Though I do like to keep a regular schedule I am in no hurry after yesterday to get on the scale, and the Dr. is about 2 minutes from my workplace, so I shan't be going this week. Sorry.

Day Fifty-Six: Vacation Day Three, Passover Debacle

For quite a while I have not really found it that hard to be on the diet. I lived a pretty good life and pretty much ate whatever I wanted. So when it came my time to 'behave' I was ready. As a result, I have sailed through where others have reported struggling. But these few days have been a struggle, and I'm not sure I came out on top on the second day of Passover. It started with the fact that we (my brother, mom and I) were bringing the food. This was because my aunt who usually takes care of everything had broken her arm in a car accident and we were in a position to offer assistance. Between my family, we coordinated the amount of food and various locations it was coming from (some from NYC, some from the island). There was a fair bit of back and forth about the arrangements but by 5:30ish we had all arrived with our various parcels. Unlike some of your standard-issue family dinners, this promised to really have YUMMY food AND desserts. Aside from my particular weakness for this kind of meal, I have also have a weakness for a certain bakery's chocolate covered coconut macaroons which are only made at Passover. I could feel my knees weakening. Looking back in hindsight, maybe I could done have better. But that's the past.

Breakfast
2 Eggs (Trick will be written about later)
2 Strips Turkey Bacon (still applegate)
Tea

Snack
1 Cheese stick
15 Almonds (both eaten on way out the door)
~10 Dried Apricots
~10 Cashews, Ass't Unsalted Nuts

Lunch
Chop Salad with Chicken
Zinger Salad with Tuna

Dinner (it's a doozy)
3 Pieces Matzoh with Chicken Liver
1 Piece with Haroset and Horseradish
1.5 pieces of Gefilte Fish
Chicken Soup with .5 Matzoh Ball
Brisket pieces
Chicken Breast pieces
Tzimmes (tablespoon)
Ass't Olives, Asparagus, Hearts of Palm

Dessert
1 Chocolate dipped Coconut Macaroon

For those of you Gentiles or Jews who never visit New York or Florida, 'chop salad' is something that I assume began because senior citizens have bad teeth and need their delicious salad 'chopped up' into very small pieces. It is slightly disconcerting to look at, as except for the salad-ingredient colors, it looks like you have just opened a large box from Amazon.com. My mom and I split the two salads, which were bigger than either of our heads. We did not finish either.

Reviewing the dinner, it actually wasn't that the food intake was so out of control, it was just that stuff like chopped liver (which is allowed, but very high in calories) or matzoh (which is allowed, but to 'be avoided') and macaroons (which are not 'allowed' as they contain milk, sugar and white flour) can drive a SoBe dieter beyond the brink. On reflection, I was lucky to get out with one macaroon.

Day 55: Vacation Day Two, Passover Begins

This was the first time in 55 days that I really had to face down an overwhelming amount of food and dessert like the barrel of a gun. No foolin', it was tough, but I think I made it through. Tomorrow will be more of the same.

Breakfast
2 Eggs (Out of blog-reading frustration, Emily's sister Amy tought me e how to avoid the yolk breakage).
2 Strips Turkey Bacon
Tea

Snack
15 Almonds
4 oz Yogurt
2 Cheese Stick

Lunch
Swordfish Kebab
Grilled Peppers, Tomatoes, Onions

Dinner
Brisket & Turkey
Wee Bit of Matzah (for the haroseth sandwich)
Gefilte Fish with lots of horseradish
Chicken Soup (Wee Bit of Matzoh Ball)

Dessert
I nibbled on a cookie, just for the texture
I put a finger in the chocolate mouse for the taste

Even just the little bit of matzoh I had, I felt like I was carbing up left and right. Then adding the matzoh ball and God only knows what's in the gefilte fish—I felt funny, like I had no idea what I was eating anymore. On the plus side, I got to go play tennis for about 90 minutes, which is probably the greatest amount of sustained physical activity I've had since Ruby was born. So overall, I think I made out OK.

Day 54: The Vacation Begins

As I plan for Passover, I realized I would have eat my carbs now, as even a SoBe user shouldn't be eating bread during the week. It was an auspicious beginning to 7 days of unstructured time—we got on the road and we realized we didn't pack or eat lunch. We immediately pulled over at McDonalads—and I got a McDonald's salad for the first time in my life. Emily fed it to me as we drove. It wasn't bad, but it wasn't a salad I would seek out again. For the record it was a "Caesar". Emily thought it had an anchovy in it. I said she had to be kidding.


Breakfast

All Bran Buds
1 Cup Strawberreis
3/4 Cup of Milk

Snack
Cheese Stick
Granny Smith Apple
15 Almonds

Lunch
Salad from McDonalads

Dinner
Swordfish Kebab
Lamb kebab
Grilled Tomatoes Peppers and Onions
Babba Genouj
Hummus

Love the Middle Eastern food—I would eat that all the time if we had anything that was good, but it's very hard to find quality around Needham. First day of vacation over.

Day 53: At least the pushups are getting easier.

From a SoBe perspective, it was a pretty good day. Not much else to add; last day of work before vacation, and though it was stressful at times, I did not dive into a bin of chocolate. Steady all the way. Now I'll have to keep up the exercise and good diet for a week of unstructured time. I'll have to face down macaroons and matzoh alike. It'll be tough, but I can do it.

Breakfast
1 Cup All Bran-Buds
1 Cup Strawberries (They're starting to get good and don't break in the pan)
3/4 cup of Skim Milk

Snack
1 Cheese Stick
25 Almonds
30 Pistachios
1 Granny Smith Apple

Lunch
Roll Mops: Alpine Lace, Tuscan Ham, Italian Turkey, Pickles
Head of Romaine Lettuce

Dinner
Catfish a la Em
Snow Peas
Peppadews

Mezzodinner
African Tea

I really have to say that Emily has been rocking my world with her dinners. It is great to know that there is healthy dinner in the bag—at 211ish, I probably need to eat a lettuce leaf for dinner, but it's been great to know that I don't have to start in with the dinner prep, as that is almost certainly where I consumed a lot of calories, both in the tasting, creating and making of dinner, as well in the things I chose to make. By staying out of it (somewhat) I have been able to stay away from a calorie-costly area. Of course, I'll have to get back in there again, but maybe I'll be a little lighter by then. I am FAMISHED right now, so I must go to bed or I'll eat the computer. Thank God the toothpaste is so yummy.

52 Pickup

As with most down days, I am trying to pick up and move on with great hope. I have reason to be happy—this will be the easiest Passover ever. Usually I am jonesing for Pizza or other breadstuffs by day 5 or 6. This time I have already given up the leavened bread, so it's a snap. Actually, matzoh is on the "foods to eat rarely or avoid" list. I'll just have a little for the show of it, and some red wine, but that's it. Ooh, the macaroons are going to be tough to resist. According to my schedule, I should be weighing in this Monday—but I'll be in NY. So it will have to wait till later in the week or egads—even the Monday following. This is because my doctor's office is a few blocks from where I work, and I'm not sure that area is where I want spend my days or weeks off.

Breakfast:
1 Slice Metsamacher Bread with No Kidding! That's Not Butter
Cantaloupe
Fat-free Cottage Cheese
Tea

Snack
15 Almonds
39 Pistachios (End of bag)

Lunch:
Fillings of 1 1/2 Sandwiches—Tuna, Chicken Salad
Lettuce
Pickles
Tomatoes
Onions

Dinner
Sole a la Em
Broccoli
Spinach with Garlic
Snowpeas

Went for a walk with Domania walking gang and I must tell you IT WAS REALLY HARD. I felt, I don't know so much OLDER. Like everything hurt more, or like it was my first walk after being cut out of my apartment with the jaws of life (http://science.howstuffworks.com/jaws-life.htm). It wasn't the same kind of feeling I had at the beginning like "I'm going to stroke or die of a heart attack." More like "I slept on a chair last night." I guess that's an improvement, but I'm still wondering when I can do the walk without breaking a sweat. They are wondering when we can make it longer, harder, more uphill. I have quite a ways to go.

Area 51: Feeling Fat

Just a short entry tonight. For a few days now I have been feeling really, really good. Happy to be alive, and glad to have turned away from my heavy-weight destiny. But today for some reason, I felt heavy. It could be mental, could be physical, or it could just be the summer, when the warmer temperatures make all your clothes feel bigger and heavier. Whatever it is, I know the diet/lifestyle change has its ups and downs. I'm in a down moment.


Breakfast
Eggs (I should stick to scrambled, don't ask)
2 Turkey Bacon Strips (Applegate)
3 Blackberries
Tea

Snack
15 Roasted Salted Fava Beans
25 almonds
30 Pistachios
1 Granny Smith Apple

Lunch
2 Rollmops: Ham, Turkey, Alpine Lace, Pickles
1 Head Lettuce

Dinner
90% Sirloin Burger
Cheese Stick
Fried Onions
Banana Peppers
Pickles

As I become more comfortable with my new lifestyle of eating, I paradoxically become less concerned with what I eat. Sure, I'm on guard for white carbs, sugar. But all the time I trying to weigh what I should eat vs. what I should skip. The whole thing about wheat-carbs vs. none, about fruit vs. none, about dairy vs. none is difficult. I am trying to keep my physical activity up but I am concerned that I am starting to eat more even if it is the right foods. Hopefully, tomorrow I can get up and happy again.

Day 50: 95 Days to Go

I keep looking at two numbers: The calendar and the scale. My goal is to be under 200 lbs before Ruby's birthday in late July. Some have speculated this is so the whole family can get in the moon-walk (aka bouncy-bounce) but it's not true. It's actually because I am going to turn 40 and I thought I better make some changes in my life, because as I've realized "they aren't going to change themselves." As people who know me can attest, I have had a long-love affair with food. I realized the other day that for a long time I thought it was actually CHARMING to be wildly and unrepentantly out of control when it came to food. Even though ultimately it made me feel bad eating the way I did, I thought I was free. But I was not free. I was a shame-slave.

Breakfast
Two Slices Whole Wheat, Low-Carb bread
Two tsp Peanut Butter
4 oz. Yogurt
3 Blackberries

Shnackén
15 Almonds
30 Pistachios
1 Cheese Stick
3 Dried Apricot Slices

Lunch
Tuna Salad with Lettuce, Red Pepper, Cucumber, Swiss
No dressing

Dinner
Talapia a la Emily
Asparagus
Olives


I now think (depending on weigh-in results) that I could add one carby thing a day to my diet. Whether it's bread in the morning or pasta at night, it's nice to know that I can do that. Though I have not yet started my calorie counting I am already thinking of food groups (like fruits and carbs and dairy) like money, and I'm on a tight budget. You can't save if you spend like a sailor, and I can't lose weight if I allow myself to have desserts. For the past few days I have been working on an ad campaign for my sisters-in-law's ice cream shop, and I'd be lying if I didn't tell you that ADS FOR ICE CREAM MAKE YOU WANT EAT ICE CREAM. In case you didn't know.

Day 49: Slippin' and Slidin'

As I worried from my perch on Phase One, what would Phase Two be like? Too much freedom? Not enough zealotry? How would I handle the freedom? As it turns out, it does take a lot more discipline than Phase One. Phase One is sort of just like 'quitting' all the foods you ate. Your list of foods you CAN eat is much shorter than the ones you CAN'T eat, so if you stick to the CAN list you don't have too many worries (except if you like variety in your meals). In Phase Two it's really loose, so you've got to be more on the ball. I have experienced this but so far my walks and general increased activity seem to have picked up any and all slack. I continue to be wary of very sugary foods and avoid white-carbs, but there's definitely been a loosening all over, which will continue to worry me until next weigh in.

Breakfast
2 Eggs (I broke them flawlessly in a bowl, then when I was absent-mindedly stirring the pan I broke one)
2 Slices Turkey Bacon
Tea

Snack
2 Bites of a Hot'n'Spicy Turkey Jerky stick that sickened me for the next three hours
15 Cashews
15 Almonds
4 oz. Vanilla Yogurt
1 Cheese Stick

1 Slice Mastemacher Bread (Rye Spelt, don't ask) with I Can't Believe it's Not Butter

Dinner
Sirloin Steak
Asparagus
Health Slaw (Cabbage, Red Cabbage, Red Pepper, Carrots)

So it was kind of a big eating day even though I thought at one point that I was never going to eat again. Over this weekend I had been thinking about the way I used to eat, and thought of what a day in my old life might have looked like, a la blog. I have added parentheses for modern day comments.

Breakfast
Oatmeal (Instant, which seems to be the only kind that has little or none of Oatmeal's health-inducing values)
Raisins (very high on the glycemic index)
Coffee with Milk (bad, bad)

Lunch
Italian Sub (Bread=bad; meats that are high in fat=bad, cheese that are same=bad. Obviously, I could have reduced how bad this actually was by making a rollmop out of it and eating only half of it; but often I horked down a whole sub).
Potato Chips (ditto)
Coke (high carb, high glycemic, more caffiene I didn't need)

Snack
Chocolate, Chocolate and More Chocolate
Also, Cracker Jack and/or Popcorn
Almonds
Dried, Sugared Mango Slices
Apricots

Dinner
20% of Ruby's Dinner Plus
Hamburger on bun, with chips of some kind or Rice
Pickles

Dessert
Rice Pudding, Chocolate Pudding or Ice Cream

Looking at that, is it any wonder that I was so heavy?

Day 48: Carbtopia and Junk Food Mule-ism

Today I was at my brother's yard sale and noted that it's hard to keep track of what you eat when you're always coming and going. At one point I was "slopping" four kids with pizza, potato chips and milk (except Ruby who wanted water. I always regarded people who want milk with lunch warily) and realized I was like a drug mule but for non SoBe diet foods, simply bringing the carbs (pizza), fat (chips) and lactose (milk) to folks who wanted it without partaking of any myself. Then I came home and continued my mule-ism by making noodles for Ruby and giving her ice cream for dessert. As Charlie Brown would say, *sigh.*


Breakfast
Two Eggs (Broke 1 Yolk in the pan, then broke the WHITE when flipping it—a total mess)
2 Strips Jennie O TB
Tea

Snacks
1 Joy Stick (0 Net Carbs)
2 Cheese Sticks
20 Peanuts
1/2 Granny Smith Apple

Lunch
1/2 Salad with Chicken Kebab
3 Steak Tips
Topping from 1 Slice Pizza Pizza

Dinner
1 Cup Whole Wheat Pasta
with Pesto
Tuna


So even though I have eaten a few carby things (cereal, whole wheat bread) I had hesitated to go to Pasta because somehow I felt it was—I don't know—more controversial. Without much in the ol' fridge tonight except for some Pesto I made, I decide tonight would be the night I tried pasta for the first time in 47 days. I have to say, it WAS GOOD. Unlike the 'wheated up' cereal or bread, which tastes different, and often not as good as the processed horrors that we grew up with, the whole wheat pasta actually tasted a little better. I weighed out my portion from the cooked quantity and I was quite full. An excellent lunch choice. I might keep that in the rotation (if the next weigh-in allows). I was in Carbtopia, and it was good to be back.

Day 47: More Substitutes

I've gotten used to a life of a lot of substitutes. Sure there's turkey bacon for pork; grilled chicken parm for fried, and so on. Really, you get used to a lot of them and a few of them are actually as good as that which they substitute for. But there are some things that just can't be changed beyond reason without consequences. Absolutely, hands down the foulest thing I have ever put in my mouth is something called Yoplait Carb Monitor Yogurt. I literally could not even eat the small bite I took. Emily tried some and spit it out in the sink. Ruby too, tried some, and she too spit it out in the sink. If you are so desperate for something creamy and you are considering Yoplait Carb Monitor, I suggest you just go off your diet and try some fat-free Stonyfield. I mean it.

Breakfast
2 Eggs Over (and again, cooked the yolks to hardness)
2.5 Slices of Turkey Bacon
Tea

Snack
1 Cheese Stick
15 Almonds
30 Pistachios

Lunch
Greek Salad with Chicken
Banana Peppers and Hearts of Palm

Dinner
Grilled Chicken Parmiagana
Broccoli
4 oz. Stonyfield Lime Yogurt

Today I went for walk number three with the Domania gang. I continue to work up a sweat even on a 50 degree day. When I got home I again joined Ruby in canvassing the park and chasing her and her friends. I was so hungry that after dinner all I could think about was more dinner. Then, desperate for something to eat I had yogurt (does that count as dessert?). I probably could have eaten my way through the fridge, but I managed to stave it off once again, and will go to sleep happy, and very hungry.

46: Very Few Things Funny About the Number 46

One of the things I have noticed about straying further out into Phase Two is how bad much of the food in 'middle' is. In the harsh Phase One, you are eating basically food in a primal state, meat, vegetables, broken yolks. Going out to eat was all about 'what I can order that is just plain meat and vegetables?" On Phase Two I have been to several restaurants and sometimes the things I get are just downright unappealing. I guess it's my own fault for going to a bar and ordering a salad. What did I expect except brown, broken, wilted lettuce dripping with dressing (I ordered it lightly dressed)? Serves me right. I think for restaurant orders, I'll stick to Phase One, but you better not break the yolks or I'M SENDING IT BACK. Emily says the diet makes me cranky, but I think she's wrong.

Breakfast
1 cup All-Bran
3/4 Cup Fatfree (and very suspicious-smelling) Milk
3 Dried Apricots
(This breakfast should include a geriatric running suit)

Snack
30 Almonds
4 oz yogurt
30 Pistachios

Lunch
Floppy Dead Green Things Posing as Salad with Chicken

Dinner
Salmon with Snow Peas
Greek Salad
Broccoli

Dessert
Club Soda


Did not get to walk today, even though it was a nice day and I was ready to go. Hopefully tomorrow we'll all get out there. I wonder how long it will take before I find the walk to be literally 'no sweat.' As of this writing, I am starting to think about Passover and whether or not I will eat Matzah (maybe just a bite).

Day 45

My usual breakfast of turkey bacon and mostly broken-yolk eggs feels pretty big, so on carb days (when I eat whole wheat toast or all-bran) I am testing myself to see if I can eat less before lunch, because it feels like those breakfasts are kind of small. On those days I have introduced fruit (Apples, apricots, strawberries—mostly to avoid scurvy) and some yogurt. Losing the weight (4 lbs) while simultaneously adding the carbs and fruit tell me that I can probably manage some more forbidden foods down the road if I can keep up the exercise. This week I have gone for two walks which means I could be on track for three, plus whatever I can do this weekend. Caffeine is obviously OK but they say to watch it in case it produces an insulin spike that makes you reach for the carb/sugar/whatever is close by. Today I had a black coffee from Dunkin Donuts. That's it. Nothing in it. Just black. It was good. I think I could start drinking black coffee. I'm impressed with myself. It feels kind of macho. I must immediately rent "Steel Magnolias" to balance it out.

Breakfast
Two Slices of Wafer-Thin Whole Wheat Low Carb Toast
with Peanut Butter
Tea
1/2 Granny Smith Apple

Lunch (Split)
Peppered Chicken
Beef with Asparagus

Snack
Cheese Stick
15 Almonds
30 Pistachios
20 Peanuts

Dinner
Steak Tips
Fried Onions
Spinach with Garlic

I had Chinese food for the second day in a row for lunch, and though it was yummy, I felt the absolute need to go for a walk, because I felt the sugar and the corn starch was causing me anxiety about creating my dream of a 500-calorie deficit. By the time I could get ready for the walk it was 5:30 and most of my co-workers were not able to join me, but there was one and together we went out. As usual, I had brought my iPod in case I had to go out alone. When I got home Ruby was waiting for me on the bike and we had to go all the way around the block and then some. By the time I got to dinner (or Phoenix, if you're Glen Campbell) I was 500 calories hungrier. Another good day.

Day 44

I got a four-color brochure in the mail today called "Pulse" and it's all about weight loss. It contains "The Ten Commandments of Weight Loss." The only one I didn't know (but was noted here by a coworker blog poster) was "Know the 3,500 Rule." I didn't. "To lose a pound you have to create a deficit of 3,500 calories per week, or 500a day. I think therefore I have found the next step to my weight loss—calorie counting. I must pick up a book and learn what costs what—I have been freewheelin' like Bob Dylan and I better watch it if I want to hit my goal. Especially because I only have 14 weeks to go. If I lose a pound a week, I will be one pound short of my goal. So I really better kick it into high gear.

Breakfast (A big one)
Two Eggs Over Easy with Muenster Cheese (yolks actually got hard, preventing breakage)
Three Slices Turkey Bacon (!)
Tea

Snackoria
Cheese Stick
15 Almonds
30 Pistachios
4 oz Yogurt

Lunch (Split)
White Meat Chicken with Spinach
Pork with Cabbage

Dinner
90% Sirloin with Fried Onions
Hot Peppers
Pickles
Asparagus

I just want people to know a few things. One, I am not keeping track of my caffeine intake even though I am having a second cup of tea in the morning, and often at night, some herbal mango tea. Once in a while I'll have some black coffee that if I can drink without sugar substitute will be really a fine beverage. In addition, the snack category is a culmination of a day of snacks, not one period of time where I eat another meal. It's not that important, but I thought I should mention it. Also, I feel what has come out of this change of life has been my commitment to eating something green every day (or several times a day). That is really unusual because I used to go days without vegetables (unless you're counting potatoes and potato products). Speaking of them, I do miss the potato chip lifestyle. But I find that without eating sandwiches, you don't miss them that much. It's like when you stop going to the bar, you don't miss smoking. More evidence that changing your life for the better changes your life for the better.

Day 43: Detecto Says "211"

Detecto is the name of the scale manufacturer (http://www.detectoscale.com/). It's just a detail I noticed when I was getting weighed in, the letters are spelled out vertically like in a superhero comic, and the name itself is like a superhero, 'the great detecto.' It felt like that kind of comic book moment when the nurse said 'let's call it 211," the letters would have all been bold and the background intensely red. It's now been officially six weeks since I started the South Beach diet and weight-loss program, and here I am 15lbs lighter. Though I am excited my progress (I celebrated with a scurvy-reducing apple), I realize with some caution that I am officially only at my half way mark. The walks are getting easier, though they are by no means a breeze. I am doing a lot of thinking and strategizing—I still have about 14 weeks to go. I must stay disciplined, not be tempted by the carbs and the treats and the pizza (or bagels). And in the "who would have thought" category, I actually found myself today having an in-depth conversation about a piece of exercise equipment.

The last thing about 211 is that in February 1992, after my brother's wedding photos came back, I was horrified at the way I looked. I weighed 205. Emily and I went on Weight Watchers, determined not to be fat at our own wedding, only seven months later. Though we both lost a lot of weight, I still think today that I've lost 15 lbs but I'm still heavier than when I thought I was close to needing the jaws of life (http://www.hurstjaws.com ) to get me out of my apartment. Of course that didn't happen, but I thought it was close at hand.

Breakfast
1 Cup All Bran Buds
3/4 Cup Fat Free Milk
Tea

Snack
Granny Smith Apple
2 Cheese Sticks
30 Pistachios
15 Almonds

Lunch
Chicken with Vegetables

Dinner
90% Sirloin Burger
Fried Onions
Salad with Goat Cheese
Pickles & Olives

This was a pretty good day. I had been eating Uncle Sam cereal for my occasional carby goodness and found it to be much like eating what falls under the lathe at woodshop, only moist from the fat free milk. I had resigned myself to eating the flavorless flaxseedy mulch because that's exactly what I expected from a cereal that's 'good for you.' (As I type this I sound like a kid in the Life cereal commercials) Due to a foul strawberry, I ditched the bowl this morning and tried the alternative, All-Bran. Now there a few moments in one's life when you really notice your age; when you first get behind the wheel of the car; when you first can buy liquor, and when you first voluntarily eat All-Bran. It was really good. I can't believe it, but I horked it down like it was Cap'n' Crunch. Then I thought, "when can I eat that again?" I had a bounce in my step because the thought that I could eat something in the morning that tasted yummy was very exciting. Then, the weigh in. And last but not least, a very brisk walk where I realized that I did not feel like I was going to keel over for the first 10 minutes, as usual. Got home during daylight hours and got to play with my kids. Tomorrow, I'm gonna think about playing tennis again.

Day 42: Six Weeks on the Diet

Tomorrow I will get weighed in again and so tonight I am looking for my lightest-weight clothing. If I lose my goal of three pounds I will weigh 212—which seem like a long away from my goal of 196 by July 22, 2005. As I have said, it's not about the numbers. Since I have started this diet I have learned how to blog, how to eat better, and have actually started engaging in physical activity other than those needed to keep me alive. I have learned how to make mac and cheese without actually tasting it and I have learned alot about the body and proper nutrition. The only thing I seem to constantly fail at is how to get two fried eggs out of their shells and into the pan and on the plate with intact yolks. At least I have found the turkey bacon of my dreams.

Break-fast
Two Eggs (One yolk broke after reaching the pan in one piece and I didn't even touch it)
2 Strips J.O'T.B.
1 Tsp Peanut Butter
Tea

Snack
30 Pistachios
~4 oz. Vanilla Yogurt
2 Dried Apricots(!)

Lunch
Tuna, Romaine, Cabbage, Red Pepper and Goat Cheese Salad

Dinner
Turkey Breast
Grilled Asparagus a la Jill Rosa

Today I was feeling wacky and had two dried apricots. They were good. Also, from the safety of my high-minded perch atop SouthBeach Central, I decided that I would be a refusenik for 'lite' yogurts and return to organic Stonyfield Farm. There is a difference in carbs (129 in SF vs. 121 for Columbo) but when you think that 'eating right' actually means 'eating wrong', i.e. that you have to eat aspartame, corn starch and high fructose corn syrup I suspect I am blunting whatever benefit I am accruing from eating the stuff in the first place. If it's just about soft food, I can eat fat-free pudding.

I went for another walk today. I created a "Walk-Fast Playlist" so I could try and match the pace of my very fast walking coworkers. When I was done with my route I calculated the time based on the songs: 29 minutes. I will have to add two songs and figure out how to add that length. All in all a good activity weekend, I spent more time on my bicycle than I have since I used to ride to work (in 1989).

Sum 41

Another quick post because I did not quite get the RDA of sleep last night and must get to bed if I am going spend all day tomorrow driving a bicycle as slowly as possible to keep up with Ruby. I tried today to get back to some basics and repair any and all damage I might have done last night (if Rolaids could talk!). I am certain the diet gods will punish me come Monday and I will have no one but myself and the Queen of Spades to blame.

Breakfast O' Acronyms
2 Slices WPFLCWW Bread with ICBINB (If you don't know what they stand for you'll have to reread earlier posts)
Tea

Snack
Cheese Stick
15 Almonds

Lunch
Chicken Stir-Fry with Carrots, Snowpeas, Red peppers and Broccoli

Dinner
Brisket
Salad with Goat Cheese
Fried Onions

Last night has weighed heavily on me today (literally and figuratively) and tomorrow I must get out there for my 30 minute sweat work out. Today there was a lot of activity, but that mostly kept me from falling asleep standing up and does not count in my mind towards what I need to do to face Monday and beyond.

Day 40: Meat Stinks

Just a quick entry today. As predicted, I did eat more than usual, and I did take Gary's money (though several people helped me). His failure to bring a toaster and bagels cerainly led to his downfall. Most of what I ate was santioned food, but I ate more of it and at a later time than usual, so that was, in short, bad.

Breakfast
Jennie O Turkey Bacon
2 Eggs Over (Both cooked right, broke while transferring to the plate)
Tea

Snack
15 Cashews

Lunch
3 Roll Mops
Head of Romaine
Pickles
1 Heart of Palm

Dinner
Salad
Swedish Meatballs
Steak Tips
2 Chik'n' Nuggets

Etc.
Olives
2 Cheese Sticks
Celery with Hummus
60 Pistachios
1 Joystick (Beef Jerky)
1 Strawberry


Nothing short of an all out pigfest. Recidivism. Say what you want, but it's over now and I must get back on the horse and bravely sashay back on the path.

Day 39: Monday Cometh

Thinking about the scale. Also, learning now that even if I shrink my stomach, my eyes stay big. Today at lunch (Sushi) I surveyed the menu trying to decide what to eat, and chose sashimi. I wanted to order REALLY A LOT. I ordered as much as I reasonably could without making a scene. When it arrived, I looked at it like a starved-giant would view an offering of a cracker for dinner. But I ate what I got, and then started to look around the table. Bad—I wanted to vacuum-snort the table of leavings. But I kept it in check. It was a fine amount of food. Then I went back to work and when that was done I went for another Domania-walk. Quite enervating, and when I got home I practically ate up Emily and two children I was so hungry. Felt much like the first ghost in Ghostbusters chomping on the hot dogs ARGH ARG YOMP.

Breakfast
2 Slices When Pigs Fly Low Carb Whole Wheat Bread
2 Tsp Peanut Butter
Tea

Snack
15 Cashews
15 Almonds
4 oz. Peach Yogurt

Lunch
Miso Soup (No Tofu)
Seaweed Salad/Salad
Ass't Sashimi

Dinner
Catfish, Tiger Shrimp & Snowpeas

Tomorrow is the poker game. Usually a fat/cheese/carbfest. In preparation, I went to Whole Foods and got all kinds of snacks: Hummus & Celery, Olives, and Pistachios to ready me for a night of sitting around the guys. It is probably the toughest challenge of the diet (though I haven't yet faced summer at the Big Dipper), since I am so accustomed to eating like a hungry hog from the moment I got there to the moment I left. The plus side to abandoning that way of life is that more of then than not, a poker game's evening often led to an overnight with heartburn and grepsing like a banshee. I will have to pacify myself with chewing gum and the occasional cheroot. And of course, taking all of everyone's money, especially Gary (who's reading this).

Day 38: But don't let it go to your head

Because we had out-of-town corporate guests, I tried to dress up a little today. I got a few comments—how different I look from my preferred look of being covered with my beloved POLARTEC® fleece coverall. Later in the day a neighbor told me that she could tell I lost weight, and then later still I found I could see a smidgin more of my face (or less, depending on how you think of it) in the mirror. Yes, that all feels good. And I'll tell you honestly that I have less trouble getting up out of bed in the morning. I feel less creaky and sluggish. All that I had to do was give up carbs and start walking? Sheesh, that's easy. I should have done it years ago. But the dark side still calls: I went into the break room today right after someone had toasted a bagel—I lingered on the smell like a cartoon cat in love, carried away with my entrancement. Then I snapped out of it and drank my tea.

Breakfast
1 Cup Uncle Sam
1 Cup Strawberries (and not even very good ones, but it's April)
3/4 Cup Fat Free Milk

Snack
15 Almonds
15 Cashews
1 Cheese Stick
4 oz Yogurt

Lunch
Ahi Sushi Salad from Not Your Average Joe's
(Mesclun Greens, Soy-Lemon Dressing, Black Peppered Sushi)

Dinner
Tuna, Lettuce, Feta & Red Peppers
Cucumbers & Tomatoes & Onions


All in all, a good eating day, but it feels like I'm eating more now that I'm eating different things. I doubt I am losing at the same rate, but the thing I feel good about is that I think I can keep this diet thing going for a long, long time. Really, except for the occasional 'affair of the nose' I think I'm gonna make it.

Day 37: Walks Make Me Hungry

Today I went on another Domania-walk. I'm not sure I mentioned that we have started to walk from the finish to the beginning, which is much more difficult, because it presents a lot more of the uphill qualities early in the walk before you are totally warmed. Of course, the good part is that there's a lot more cool downhill walking at the end. As usual, I had "a view of the field" as they describe the horse in last place. The good news was that I felt great after the walk but I WAS SUPER HUNGRY AS ALL GET OUT. I had a fairly decent lunch, and I had had snacks AND coffee, but I guess I raised my metabolism, cause by the time I got home I was ready to eat the plates. As I write this (9:45pm) I am ready to eat a whole box of Uncle Sam's wood shavings but I am containing myself by having mango tea and telling myself that I must be hungry if I am to lose weight.

Breakfast
Jennie O (she's back) Turkey Bacon
1 Egg Over Easy, 1 Totally F(&#$d Up
Tea

Snack-o-rama
15 Cashews
15 Pistachios
1 Cheese Stick
4 oz Blueberry (Lite) Yogurt

Lunch
2 Roll Mops: Turkey, Ham, Swiss Lorraine
Pickles
Head O'Romaine

Dinner
90% Sirloin Burger
Fried Onions
Asparagus
Pickles

What I've learned about Swiss Lorraine, the cheese, is that it is actually more holes than cheese. That's what I think makes it low-fat. I've looked over the SoBe book and it seems that when you introduce carbs back into your diet the lunches seem to lose the protein. No matter what's happening with me, I feel like I have some wiggle room because I have decided to skip dessert and that has to buy me something, right?

Day 36: Getting Past a Plateau

Again, an amazingly prophecy-like email from the folks at South Beach:

"It is not uncommon to reach a plateau in Phase 2 of the South Beach Diet, especially as you get closer to your target weight. If your weight loss has stalled, here are three strategies for getting back on track:
1. Try eating different foods. Sometimes dieters get into a food rut, eating the same things day in and out. Change your diet and you may start losing weight again.
2. Get adequate exercise. Plateauing may result from losing too much muscle mass (as well as fat). Maintaining muscle mass with exercise helps burn calories and boost metabolism.
3. Return to Phase 1. If you have plateaued for several weeks and still have a fair amount of weight to lose, return to Phase 1 for a kick-start.

Breakfast
1 Cup Uncle Sam cereal
1 Cup Strawberries
3/4 Cup No Fat Milk

Lunch
3 Roll Mops
1 Heart of Palm
1 Head Romaine
Banana Peppers

Snack
2 Cheese Sticks
30 Pistachios
15 Cashews

Dinner
Sirloin Tips
Broccoli


I am trying to do all three things on the above list. Today I ate a bowl of Uncle Sam, which for those who don't know, is a combination of wood chips and pencil shavings. Very high in fiber. I attempted to bring yogurt as a snack, but accidentally left it on the counter. I will try to mix up the snacks, but celery can't stay all day on my desk like nuts can. I am getting more exercise, and noticed today, while playing with Ruby that I was able to sustain a longer amount of play with her and I did not get out of breath in 10 seconds when on the see-saw toy. I am hoping to get in a walk tomorrow, and who knows, I may even be ready for swimming when the pool opens in May. Yeeahaha.

Day 35: Confessions of a Fat Man

I have to admit that secret of all fat people everywhere. I am sad when dinner ends. There's just no denying it. I can't write much about its parallels to the life of the adults, because far too many of my nieces are reading this. But suffice to say there is a parallel where you spend a lot of your day preparing for and thinking about dinner, and so little time actually eating it. That being said I have also found myself thinking about great meals of the past that shall never pass my lips again, possibly in the way that disenchanted married people think on their past romantic affairs (I wouldn't know about that). Today the smell of a toasting bagel made me swoon, but like an alcoholic, I realized that until I get the news that I have six months to live, those days are gone (or pretty much gone, anyway).

Breakfast
Baked Salmon (the other kind of pink breakfast fish)
1 Yolk, 3 Whites Omelet with Cheese
Tea
1 Tsp of Peanut Butter

Snack
Olives
Celery with Hummus
~4 oz. Light Strawberry/Banana Yogurt

Lunch
Two Roll Mops
15 Almonds
Pickles

Dinner
Pork Loin Slices
String Beans & Carrots


I went for my first solo walk today. I was going to try and go to the gym at the JCC but there was a sort of "who's kidding who" realization so with Emily's help I decided I was better off taking the walk. The gym had been a plan when we thought we were going to be floating along the brimming banks of the Charles. It turned out to be a somewhat beautiful if colder than it should be for April afternoon. I walked down my block, and took the path that runs parallel to the Charles. It drops you off in the office park adjacent to my house and then even though it felt long, I realized I was about 5-8 minutes short of the walk time at work, so I walked around my block again. Even though I did the walk for the same amount of time, I doubt I was going as fast. But I was glad to have done it. Just more 'taking back the night' from my fat man's destiny.

Day 34

Is it possible that I am not losing any weight? It could be that now that I'm in the thick of it, I am actually really feeling my body for the first time. If that's the case, it doesn't actually feel that good. It's one of those things where as you are leaving a way of life, you get enough perspective to actually separate from that way of life and think "was I really that way?" You can insert your own past way that you may have abhored in that space in order to feel empathy if you like. I think the secret to not being hungry is a big lunch, and so I'm working on that, sometimes.

Breakfast
2 Slabs Turkey Bacon
1 Yolk, 2 Egg White Omlette with Low Fat Swiss
1 Tsp Peanut Butter
Tea

Snack
Cheese Stick
15 Cashews
Celery with Hummus
Cucumbers

Lunch
Breast of Chicken, Tomato & Roasted Pepper

Dinner
Greek Salad with Tuna
Olives

I get asked quite often "how long will you be on this diet?" It's funny (not ha-ha funny) but I never thought about that, not once, when I started. I just thought "I have to make a radical change" and I did that. I jumped into this diet mainly because I didn't know how else I could stop being 226 lbs, but I knew I had to. Now I'm in a phase where I feel somewhat addicted to the diet because it allows me to feel good, have direction and know how to avoid feeling bad, guilty and shame-ridden. The truth is, we're all addicted to something, and so whether you're hooked on eating what you want, or you're hooked on new pants shopping with your mom, you've got follow what feels good. But sometimes you find something that feels good that keeps feeling good, and that's where I am with SoBe. On reflection, the Weight Watchers diet was not as good, because its point values structure meant that if you ate things that were delicious you went hungry because they were so expensive, points-wise. On SoBe, you can eat all of things you can eat (excepting nut and nut products) so I've responded to that kind of freedom. I guess it's all about the excercise now, and whether I can get addicted to that. And wouldn't that be something?

April 1st: 33 & 1/3

I wanted to say a quick thanks to all read, and/or write posts to this blog. If it weren't for this blog, I'm not sure I could keep going on the diet. It's really the fact that I have created some structure around the dieting that keeps me continuing to do it. Sure, there's the pleasure I take in feeling better, or going to the next notch on my belt, or actually having more energy. But you get tired of that, especially when daunted by a bag of chocolate-covered pork rinds or something like that. I remain worried that even with adding exercise (a big step for me), that going to phase two is keep me from losing any weight. Well, I'll know next Monday when I go for the next weigh in. Today I took YET ANOTHER WALK. Those who know me well know that I would drive down the driveway to get the newspaper. I was not a walker. But nearly 6 years of non-activity (excepting carrying children and their heavy, wet things) can really lead to being out of shape. It was not the whole group—just the two fastest walkers, lucky for me. They walked pretty fast, and they were both always ahead of me by a few feet. If you were watching us from above, it looked like we were a triangle, moving in tandem. If people can't understand that, you can write and I'll send a detailed picture. (I might not, but you won't know unless you write).

Breakfast
2 Slices WPFLCWW Bread
2 Tsp Peanut Butter

Snack
30 Pistachios
15 Almonds
1 Cheese Stick
1 Nip

Lunch
2 out of 3 Roll Mops
1 Heart O' Romaine
2 Gus Pickles

Dinner
Ass't Olives
Celery with Hummus
Greek Salad
Shrimp 'n' Cocktail Sauce


Well, I'm clearly in Phase Two now—I allowed myself to have all kinds of things today, including cocktail sauce (which has sugar) and Newman's Own Caesar dressing (ditto, for Ghost fans everywhere). Again, I felt like I was binge-eating because when I got home I was so hungry. I also realized that time and planning are key to staying on the diet. Today Ruby and I both overslept, and we didn't know if she was going to school because she hadn't felt well all week. She's supposed to be there at 9:00 but it was 8:25 when we decided to make a go of it. So I didn't really have time for the Phase One breakfast I had hoped for, I had to go for the Toast which was quick—so I could get everything else ready. Again, I feel hungry and I know for the most part I am eating responsibly, but I do nurture a worry that I will not have lost another 3 lbs by next weigh in. I am developing an eating disorder? Stay tuned.

Day 32: The Emotional Attachment to Eating

The below paragraph is excerpted from "The South Beach Diet Dish"—an email I signed up for on the Friday before I started the diet. It came yesterday. Hmmm. Are they watching me? Reading the blog? Did someone tip them off?

"As many of us know...feeling fatigued by our daily schedule and overwhelmed by responsibilities can spark emotional eating. Many eat to fill a void or use food to keep themselves company. Some look to food to distract themselves from a traumatic event. But most who suffer from emotional eating find that it can't be traced to one specific reason — it's often simply a pattern of falling back on food when we need comforting in one way or another. It's much healthier to process our feelings than to block them out with food. It's important to realize that, ultimately, we do have power over our actions. Eating is something that can be controlled and still be enjoyed."

For some reason, when I was reading this passage (both when it arrived and just now, editing it) all I could think was CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE. Hmmm. Maybe they're onto something

Breakfast
Two Slices of WPFLCWW bread with
2 Tsp Peanut Butter
~4 oz Light Strawberry/Banana Yogurt
Tea

Snack
15 Almonds
15 Cashews
1 Cheese Stick

Lunch
Sliced Chicken with Spinach

Dinner
90% Sirloin Hamburgers
Olive Oil-Fried Onions
Bread & Butter Pickles
5 Cherry Tomatoes
Celery
1 Slice Ham, 1 Slice Turkey


Some folks who read this blog expressed concern (that's probably too strong a word) that I wasn't actually on Phase Two yet, just a poseur. But with today's breakfast, you can see, I am eating toast (though it is When Pigs Fly Low Carb Whole Wheat). And I had yogurt for the first time in 32 days, though it was asparteme-y it was still a nice familiar sensation. Also, the 'bread and butter' pickles are obviously not either, but they do contain sugar, but we were out of all other pickled products (I briefly considered sauntering over to a bar for a pickled egg, but remembered Needham is dry). As I have said before, I don't want to slip too far too fast—I need to take this Phase Two thing easy. I have to make sure that the toast does not overwhelm my weekly walks—I cannot have any recidivism now. I must continue my onward losing campaign! But I must tell you that tonight, I was VERY HUNGRY. After dinner (as you can see the vegetable course was very ad-hoc) I sort of went scrounging for something else, which I have not done in quite a while. I decided that the ham and turkey rollup (see: rollmop) might be just the thing. It was, but then a half hour later I was hungry again. I almost sought comfort in a nip, but finally took up with a cup of mango tea and calmed down.

Today a comrade at work described how sometimes you could feel OK if you weren't drinking with the gang if you were still hoisting a glass with them. I think there maybe a similar psychological component to the LENGTH of your dinner time. You could be eating powerbars 'n' steak, but if it's over in two bites, you're gonna go scrounging. Believe me.