Year 2, Day 112: Chemistry

If you noted a few days ago I wrote that my niece was here, and she was about to embark on her college career following the completion of her regents exams. Those, for those of you that didn't grow up in New York or California, are standardized tests that students have to take in all the major math/science/english arenas from 9th grade on in order to graduate. I wrote the following in an email to her, and I thought I would publish it again here (below), as it was very illustrative of who I am.

Breakfast
1 Cup Kashi Go Lean
1 Cup Heritage Flakes
1 Cup Blueberries/Strawberries
1 Cup 8th Continent Light Soy Milk

Snack
12 oz coffee (Half Decaf)
2 oz 50% jalapeno Cheddar
5 Stalks Celery
3 Tablespoons Peanut Butter (SC)

Lunch: Tantawan
Shrimp, Mushroom Soup
Chicken/Lettuce/Peanuts
Beef Salad

Dinner
Chicken with Scallions
Big Salad

I was so poorly versed in Chemistry, and so poorly studied, that I took someone's advice to draw the "clown face" on the mechanical form you must fill out with #2 pencil to complete the test. No joke, this is exactly what I did. I finished in 15 minutes but I didn't want it to look bad so I waited till someone (smart) finished and then I handed in my test.

I got a 65, which was a passing grade, allowing me to pass Chemistry and graduate 10th Grade. Chemistry had been very difficult for me, because it was taught by Mrs. Gellert, an immensely overweight woman who was the first woman I ever knew that displayed female balding. I despised her because she was strident and had a grating voice. In addition, she lived in Great Neck, where I went to school, and whenever there was a blizzard she was NEVER absent. She never got sick. She missed only two days the whole year, and they were both due to a funeral. We had quite a tense relationship, and she was always trying to prove that I wasn't paying attention, which I wasn't.

One time, when she was discussing something about particles (which she was illustrating by holding up models), and I, Ruby-like, was prattling on about nonsense, she called on me. "Mr. Deutsch," she said, "please tell the class why these ions (she held up the model) don't conduct electricity." I looked at her for a second. Then, defiantly I said "Because they're made out of styrofoam." The class erupted in roars that did not die down for minutes. It was one of the most satisfying moments of my life. I think that had a lot to do with who I became later in life.