Day Eleven

What I realized this morning was that I don't really miss any of the junky foods I used to cram down my gullet. What I miss is the freedom to do it. You know, eat anything I want in a buffet, for lunch, for snack, a little of this, a little of that. But the truth is that with that freedom came an opression—of being heavy. That is the feeling where you feel bad; where you don't want to buy new clothes, where you don't want to look in the mirror, and where you find ways to make it OK that you are out of breath going up the stairs. That's bad. I really didn't want to be opressed like that—it wasn't worth the freedom to eat whatever you want. Lots of chirpy dieters told me "if you excercise X amount you can eat whatever you like" as they chomped angrily on a celery stalk. I will figure out a way to move my body. But until then, I'm gonna whittle down my weight one turkey bacon strip at a time.

Breakfast
2 Eggs over easy
2 Turkey Bacon Strips
Tea
1 Laughing Cow Light Cheese Wedge

Snacks (Sad because everyday is the same)
20 Cashews (it's hard to count 1/4 cashews, but I did it)
2 Cheese sticks
30 Pistachios
1 Nip

Lunch
Turkey Burger
Mesclun Greens with Goat Cheese
(I had to dispense with what I determined to be sugary onion relish)

Mezzo-Dinner
3 Meatballs

Dinner
1 Shrimp
Very lightly dressed Caesar salad (no croutons)
1/2 Chicken Breast
1 stalk Broccoli
Assorted bites o'spinach


Dessert
(skipped)

In retrospect, it was a big eating day. That is, it looks like one on paper, but probably wasn't any better or worse than the few days prior. I am definitely noticing that I am less tired, though that could be attributed to many things—Magnolia sleeping better through the night or the closeness of Spring. I especially notice it around 3pm, when I used to crash hard until fueling up with a few Reese's or something like that. Now, I feel that I can keep going and don't need the chocolate. That doesn't mean I didn't find myself fantasizing about a bowl of Quisp (a sugary cereal akin to Cap'n Crunch) this afternoon, because I most definitely did. But I didn't necessarily want to eat it. I just wanted to think about it. I think that's real progress. By the time on Monday when I can add fruit back to my diet, it's going to seem positively decadent.